Perdition
by MeteorOnAMoonlessNight
Summary: If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it? I had to do it to save him. Heavy angst. *2017 TFFA Winner 3rd Place Favorite Scream Fic
1. Chapter 1

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta skills, and starsmina, rebadams7, and coppertopj for pre-reading.**

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 **Here's where to find teasers every Sunday if you're interested- or just search MeteorOnAMoonlessNight**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**

 **I've also got a blog. MeteorOnAMoonlessNight. blogspot. com**

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 **This story is full of suspense and criminal elements, and may not be for everyone. I'll go ahead and tell you I believe in an HEA, but the road to get there is never paved in gold. My characters are flawed and (hopefully) realistic. There will be more questions than answers to begin with; you've been warned. (That sounds more ominous than intended, lol.) My chapters vary in length, but the least you'll see is 1,200 words. That's just how I write, and I'll never force it to be otherwise.**

 ***There is major angst in this story***

 **With all of that said, I love you if you're sticking with me.**

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 **Perdition:**

 **1-**

 **(a) utter destruction**

 **(b) loss**

 **2-**

 **(a) eternal damnation**

 **(b) hell**

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" _What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude._

 _It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance._

 _What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy._

 _It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence._

 _What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow._

 _There was a long pause before I responded:_

 _It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once."_

 _~Lang Leav_

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 **Now**

Grey is the predominant color of the day, from the somber clouds obscuring the sky, to the color of the dress I'm wearing as I try to hide my small frame behind a tree at the top of the hill. The mood is grey too, mine and those that don't belong at my mother's graveside service. The grouping is a decent size, most with umbrellas open over their heads, giving the impression of flowers waving in the wind as the mourners move over the dull brown grass. Given the distance between us, I can't hear what's being said, but I imagine it as the same drivel that's always spoken for the living about the dead. Your life is not ever your own, not truly. It's the living that suffer when you die, when you're finally free of the binds you can't break in life. As long as your heart beats in your chest you have obligations to others, never having the chance to be your own self. It was a harsh lesson I'd been forced to learn at the tender age of seventeen, before I was mature enough to have that knowledge forced upon me. Renée had done what she could to protect me, going so far as to leave my father and flee with me, but in the end it turned out it was all for nothing.

Not one person that I can see down there loved her, or cared for her, not in so many years. I was the only person she could count on, but that hadn't been enough. If I had known that declining an offer of marriage would result in her death, I would have accepted, regardless of who was offering. I would have done anything for her, including giving up my very freedom. If only I'd known the truth in time to save my mother's life.

I spot the only other person I would lay down my life for, one of the people whose lives I'd ruined years ago. I thought nobody could see me this far away, but now it appears that I was wrong. Even at such a distance, Edward seems to meet my eyes directly, the jolt I feel from the recognition on his face spurring me into action. I hurry away, practically running for the rental car that I left idling on purpose, and I jump inside while my heart beats frantically in my throat. I watch in my rear view mirror as Charlie catches up to Edward and they stop halfway up the hill, watching my taillights as I tear out of the cemetery. _What have I done?_

This was a mistake. I knew it would be, but I couldn't help myself; I needed to pay my respects to my mother for all the time she spent trying to protect me. It seems as though all of my efforts were futile. I drive through the rainy day with tears on my face, fighting off the painful memories that all started in this godforsaken town. Just two days after I refused the offer that came via my father, I'd found my mother at her home; she was face down in the backyard, in the garden she had so loved. I'd lived on my own for only a few years, choosing to stay nearby my mother and visiting often. We had plans to have lunch and go shopping, something we did on a monthly basis. Instead, I spent the day talking to the police of Florence, Oregon, trying to dissuade them from looking for who'd shot her. Her funeral arrangements had not changed even after we left Forks, and still requested her burial at the family cemetery. I made the arrangements by phone and email without any intentions of attending. Coming was a dangerous gamble, and I know in my gut I've just lost.

I drive to the hotel room I booked in Port Angeles, since my flight home isn't until the morning and there is no way I can stay in Forks. I've spent too much money on the funeral, too much on the plane fare and hotel, but none of that matters anymore. Renée's fortune is now mine, for all the good it's worth. I have an appointment back home with an attorney first thing Monday morning to put as much of it into a trust as possible; I know exactly who wants to get their hands on that money, and I have to try to stop them.

I am so emotionally drained that all I can do is lock the chain and lay down fully dressed on top of the ugly, orange polyester comforter. I don't even realize I've fallen asleep until a noise wakes me. It seems to be a slight sound, whispery, like a dead leaf disconnecting from it's branch and brushing through its fellow leaves on its way down. I sit up, rubbing my tired eyes, feeling muddled. I try to pinpoint what could be out of place in the room, but I struggle to find anything. The hairs on the back of my neck prickle as I shakily stand and make my way cautiously to the door.

There, on the floor just in front of the door, is a folded piece of paper. Lying on the carpet, my face pressed to the thinning pile, I stare at the strip of light that shines through between the floor and the bottom edge of the door. I place my palm against the solidity of the cold metal, trying to reassure myself that I'm safe. But that is just a lie to comfort myself; I was never safe unless _he'd_ wanted me to be. He holds all the strings and he still works me like a puppet master.

Slowly sitting, I snatch the paper up, then just as quickly drop it as though it burns me. My breathing escalates, coming out in short, quick bursts. I knew the truth already, but to see it in black and white is a confirmation I never wanted. I have no more options; my time is up. Trying not to hyperventilate, I scoot to the desk in the corner and grab a pen. There are black spots dancing in front of my eyes as I write my response with a shaky hand. I fold the note back in half and make my way to the door once more, struggling to swallow past the arid desert in my throat.

This time I collapse in on myself as I arrive back at that thin line between my safety and the outside world. The paper goes back under the door with that same soft whoosh that woke me up earlier, and I stay prone as I wait. My fingers are curled into my palms as I test my theory, my breathing still not normalized. I'm scared to blink, to shift, to make a sound. I'm terrified that I'll meet the eyes of the one I have always been most afraid of, or even one that works for him. I don't know what I'll do if they mirror my pose instead of simply grabbing the note and moving on. But I know in my gut someone is watching; that's how he operates.

I blink rapidly, my stare so severe my corneas have dried out and my eyes burn. I can just make out the diamond pattern on the carpet in the hallway as I watch. It's probably only moments, but feels like years before a gloved hand grabs the paper from the floor, dusty brown boots pausing in front of my room. I cringe away as though there is nothing solid between us, scrambling backwards until I bump into the bed.

"Wednesday, Isabella!" is all I hear before the hallway is silent again.

So then, Wednesday is to be the last day of my life. I close my eyes tightly and wish it to be an exaggeration.

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 **I won't answer any questions that give away the plot, but of course I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for starting another journey with me; you truly make this creative outlet worthwhile.**


	2. Chapter 2

**We're getting a few answers in this chapter.**

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 **Then**

Lying in the bed of his rusty pickup, I watched the storm clouds gather and obscure the sun before my eyelids slipped closed. His fingers roamed over my collarbones, sending flames across my skin as he dipped down to the top edge of my bra. I'd saved my money to buy a pretty one, all lacy and floral, feeling like an adult in the lingerie store. I needed to touch him, so I shifted until I could see him, be face to face with him. My small breasts pushed together as I rested on my side, one hand tucked under my cheek to cushion against the hardness of the metal. The other hand caressed his sharp jaw, following it up to his angular cheekbone. His eyes fluttered but stayed open, and I stared into lustful, shining green. I could tell by the flush on his cheeks that he wanted me; his tells were obvious, even with my somewhat naïve perceptiveness. It was always this way with us, and I prayed it always would be.

"It's going to rain," I whispered. I didn't want to have to stop, didn't want the weather to ruin what had just started. If I whispered, maybe it wouldn't be true.

His eyes crinkled at the corners with his beautiful grin. "Of course it's going to rain, it's Forks."

We were in the middle of nowhere, parked in a field of wildflowers that sat off a dirt road, the grass almost as tall as the truck. It was summertime, and we knew exactly how much trouble we were getting into. It wasn't the first time we'd snuck away from boring afternoons and household chores to be carefree, getting lost in one another in the bed of his Chevy.

I smirked at his remark, leaning closer to capture his lips with mine. Softly, tenderly pulling his top lip into my mouth before surrendering myself willingly to his assault as he angled his head and devoured me. My heart raced in my chest as I felt the first drops of rain on my arm and face.

"Don't care," I breathed. My hands delved into his hair, holding him to me like I could bind us together and fight off the universe itself if need be.

He laughed a little in his throat, but continued his stroking of my body, my hips rocking nearer to his as he kissed me until I couldn't breathe. His sneaky fingers moved inside the cup of my bra and teased my nipple while I moaned into his mouth.

And then the clouds and sky opened up, the torrential rain causing me to shriek as I scrambled up. He grabbed the quilt, though it was too late for saving that. I hoped he had another one inside the cab as we fumbled our way through the rain and into the warm, dry interior.

He gave a big laugh, a hearty sound that heated my skin. We were drenched, soaked through as the doors echoed their slamming. The rain pelted the roof, drowning out the sound of my thundering heartbeat as he went back for my mouth.

I found myself breathless once more as he lowered me to the bench seat, and then frantic as we removed clothing in quick succession. His hot mouth latched to my nipple, and all the air truly left my lungs.

"Yes," I cried out.

"I'll love you forever, Bella," he declared as he entered me.

 **Now**

Florence, Oregon is an idyllic small town on the coast of the Pacific, surrounded by two shimmering bays. Renée picked it originally because of its reminiscence of Forks, minus all the drama that had occurred. She had a small house mere steps away from the pebbled beach, the peaked roof hung with overflowing baskets of flowers in the spring and summer. We'd each had a bedroom, and when I moved out she changed mine to a sewing room. The kitchen was a sunny yellow with old fashioned appliances that looked like they belonged in Grandma Higginbotham's house. I knew I would miss it here; I felt safe in this place, at least I had until my father found us and extended the offer of marriage from the last person I'd ever want to bind myself to. So now, I arrange to have the majority of my mother's house packed and stored while I work on finding a place to stay back in the city I no longer consider home.

I don't even want to be in Forks again; I'm the pariah, the stupid girl that couldn't keep her mouth shut and then heartlessly took off. It hasn't been home to me in four years, and I guarantee nobody is waiting for my return with anything other than disdain. I won't stay with Charlie in our old house, considering how much loathing I have for him, ever since he started facilitating the criminals running the small town. I'd rather rent a room downtown and try to avoid everybody I've ever known the way I'm sure they want to avoid me.

I have to block out the memories of the way I left things four years ago. Not enough time to forgive or forget, only enough time to let the regrets fester like a wound unhealed, aching with its reminder of the past. If I was lucky, it was only the Cullens that hated me, and rightly so. I'd brought their family nothing but shame and heartache before dodging the consequences. I did know who was still enamored with me, since he'd made it his main focus to force me into submission. I only had today left to finish packing Mom's house before facing the truths I'd tried to ignore.

The city of Forks, Washington is similar in size and basic appearance as the one I'd moved to. The differences are as insignificant as being right on the ocean versus being a few miles from the ocean, down to Forks being the hub of major criminal activity. Including paying off the chief of police to look the other way while cars are stolen from surrounding cities, chopped into pieces and either rebuilt into something unrecognizable from the original, or merely sold as parts. To this day, I had a hard time wrapping my mind around how I'd unwittingly gotten involved as a young and guileless teenage girl, how I'd aided the men I had been smart enough to hate since middle school. By trusting the wrong person, I single handedly fucked up multiple lives.

Sighing, I tape up the last box. I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on the past, but I'm doing that very thing. If it didn't hurt so much, I'd focus on what I had before we left; innocent love, carefree and a little wild. Everyone falls in love as a teenager though, and those relationships never last. I had no right to assume we would be any different. But I did love him the same way I always had; fiercely, completely, and irrevocably. And yet, he despised me and everything my family stood for.

After making a few calls I find a rental house broken into several one room apartments. That's more than I could have expected, so I take the last one available, oddly relieved that it happens to be on the second floor. I laugh at myself; that won't stop anybody that I'm worried about. Still, it's a false comfort that I choose to see as the bright side. I can leave now and sleep in my new place, or I can leave in the morning and have to add my bed to the back of the moving van before I can get going. I realize I'm just trying to put off my fate, and there's never any use in that. I harden my resolve and decide to put everything in the van now and head north.

Back to Forks, the last place I ever thought I'd live again.

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 **Some of you guessed that Charlie is involved, and you're right. The time frame of 'Then' is four years or more before 'Now'.**

 **Thank you to each of you that reviewed, followed, favorited, or even just read the first chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

***** This chapter contains an aspect that some of you may find to be a hard limit (not s/a). If you need reassurance, read the a/n at the bottom before reading the chapter. If you don't like spoilers, please proceed with the chapter.**

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 **Now**

The bell above the door chimes merrily as I step uneasily into the diner, juxtaposing my inner turmoil. With my head down, I quickly make my way to the back to snag an empty booth and hopefully hide away for awhile. I turn the white porcelain coffee cup right side up, the universal signal for 'fill me up', and glance at the menu scribbled messily on a white board hanging on the wall near the register. I wonder idly if the Clearwaters still run the place as I unroll my silverware and spend a stupid amount of time smoothing out my paper napkin. The waitress appears and fills my cup with what could pass as sludge, and I fight the urge to raise my eyebrow at her overly teased and poorly dyed blonde hair and hot pink lipstick that bleeds into the dry, wrinkled cracks around her thin lips. I simply place my order without any small talk, and she moves on to refill other people's cups and put my order in behind the counter. I shift uncomfortably on the well worn bench seat, trying to avoid the spot where the vinyl has cracked with age and the yellow stuffing is poking out.

It's easy to people watch from my seat facing the door, and as I wait for my breakfast I make a game of trying to recognize those that are seated around the restaurant. There's Ben, the smartest guy in my junior class, sitting at the counter with a pretty brunette that I'm positive is Angela. She used to be my best friend, and she looks almost exactly the same as I remember. Her glasses have changed to a more mature look, but her hair is the same straight, shiny brown, and her style of clothing is a pair of casual jeans, as always. The thought of making amends with her is pushed to the back of my mind for the time being. I see an older couple that I don't think I'm familiar with sitting across from each other and holding hands as they sip coffee. They bring a tear to my eye with their obvious love and affection for the other, laughing over a quietly shared joke.

My attention is suddenly diverted to the door as the bell clatters noisily, and I'm thinking someone has pushed ridiculously hard on the damn thing for it to make that much racket. I can't help smiling when the cutest little girl comes racing in wearing a bright pink dress, dark curls bobbing haphazardly around her cherub's face. She clambers into a chair by the window, singing to herself, and just as I wonder where the hell her parents are, all of the breath leaves my body as _he_ comes in.

"You _are_ too fast for me, Mallie. You win again," he exclaims as he rushes over, sitting in the chair directly next to her. He picks up one of the crayons and writes on her paper mat with her.

I realize I can't breathe for the crushing weight on my chest, the pressure overwhelming me and pushing the tears down my face. My hand creeps up, fisting the ache in the hopes of quelling it, knowing it won't work. I completely ignore the waitress as she drops my food off, staring instead at his fascinating profile, essentially torturing myself with what I can't have. He was supposed to fill the empty space in my heart, the one that I created when I left him behind, but I don't know why I thought that he would, or even could. He looks… amazing. His hair is the same sexy mess it always was, his cheek and jaw just as sharp as I remember every night in my dreams. There's a stubble I've not witnessed before, giving him a more rugged appearance. I have to set aside the heartache for a moment as I study him with the small girl. She looks terribly young, with skinny arms and small hands, as she colors dramatically on her placemat, chattering the whole time. Her hair is dark brown, loose springy curls that frizz in places and stick out from the rest that lay obediently to just below her shoulders. _She could belong to anyone_ , I remind myself futilely.

" _Da_ ddy!" she giggles, and my harshest fears are realized.

He's moved on. I wanted him to, knew he would after the way I'd left him, but it doesn't hurt any less. If he'd known the truth about what I'd done it would've infuriated him, sent him running farther and faster than my horrible words did when I pushed him away. I can't choose my own fate, much less his, and there is no denying the cold facts. He has a daughter. He'd never been mine; it was only borrowed time that we used to love each other with a ferocity that I have never experienced again.

And I never will.

 **Then**

"We have to move, Dad's gotten out of control. I don't even know if Mom is safe anymore." I wrung my hands, my nerves about to kill me.

"Then I'll apply to the college closest to you, and we'll be with each other again before you know it." He tried to reach for me, but I took a step back and inhaled his scent one more time, letting it fill my throbbing lungs. I finally had to cross my arms to still the shaking before he noticed.

"There's no point." I shook my head, and I knew he thought it a denial of our love, the way I'd intended. "We can't possibly make it, we're too young and stupid. Nobody stays with their high school crush. Nobody."

He frowned, and I would rather carve out my own heart from my chest with a dull spoon, watching it take its last beat in my hands, than see that look of agony in his eyes. "That makes no sense-"

"Look," I'd meant to say harshly. It came rasping off my tongue instead. "We're done. Go to UDub like you always planned, or go to fucking Harvard. God knows you're smart enough to get out of this town, so do it. Go be an astrophysicist in Seattle. Go be a psychiatrist in Boston. Just _don't follow me_. I don't _want_ you."

I turned then, before he could see the truth in my tears as they burned their way down my icy cheeks. I stumbled, and I was terrified he'd try to help me. I had to keep moving, had to put one foot in front of the other, even if it killed me.

"Bella! Wait! Nothing you said makes sense! Why are you _doing_ this?" I heard a crash, but refused to turn around to investigate what he'd broken. I'd ruined the one I loved the most in my whole life; the one that trusted me with caring for his heart. I was cruel, and I was relieved. I'd done what I needed to do, and I knew he wouldn't try to find me. He could pretend I'd never come into his life, that we'd never shared our first time. Oh, God _._ I was going to die of the pain before we ever made it out of town, but I had no choice.

" _I'll love you forever, Bella."_ It echoed in my head, a brutal taunt. Fuck if I didn't know I'd always love him, knew it in the recesses of my soul, in the parts of me only he had seen. That was the whole reason for leaving him behind.

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 **Edward is revealed to have a daughter in this chapter. All I can say is, please trust me and don't jump to conclusions (like Bella). Mallie's parentage is discussed in chapter 6. If the little girl is a hard limit for you, and you're unsure if you want to keep reading, please PM me, and we can talk about it.**

 **P.S. It's Wednesday morning.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wednesday afternoon has arrived, and the big bad wolf has come to call.**

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 **Now**

It was only a matter of time before he found me, and it didn't make a difference that my heart had broken a million times today. I didn't really try to hide, just to live a normal day without seeking him out. My shattered heart thunders in my ears as they come in, swarming like maggots on a carcass. No, the second floor offers no extra protection from the likes of Jacob Black and his disciples.

"Isabella. I knew you'd come," he states triumphantly.

"Yeah, I guess the way you murdered my dear mother in cold blood got my attention," I respond, sounding so much braver than I feel. He would crush me under his boot if given the opportunity, and then carry out the threat in his note from the hotel.

"I couldn't possibly have been responsible, since I was in Seattle that day. Ask anyone," he jeers, a challenge. No, I'm smart enough to know he'd had someone do it for him while he created an alibi for himself. Jacob doesn't like to get his hands dirty anymore; he has minions for that, and he pays them dearly. That, and he isn't afraid to kill them off if they step out of line.

"What the fuck do you want with me, _Black_?" I'm furious enough to forget for a moment who I'm dealing with, the adrenaline coursing through my veins giving my body a false sense of bravado. The crack of his knuckles over my cheekbone as he backhands me, is a swift and painful reminder. I lock my knees, forcing myself to stay upright as the pain radiates up my temple and down my jawline. The tears fall unbidden; I've never been hit before, never been so disrespected.

"Your obedience, to start with." His smug face is so self-satisfied I want to puke all over his cowboy boots. I hold my hand to my cheek and wait for him to tell me the rest. "I need a new picker, and you're it."

"I…" I pause, trying to phrase my words in the way that's least likely to gain his wrath. "I don't know how," I whisper.

He rolls his dark eyes, flicking his long black hair over his shoulder. He's such a vain peacock, all the years of having others obey his every whim having gone straight to his head. "It'll be easy with your attributes. That's what I'm looking for, this whole thing to be easier overall. So I can make money faster." His boots make a racket on the old wood flooring as he circles me like a hawk with its prey. "You have a job at the Dead End bar, it's near the edge of town. Gets plenty of tourists passing by on the 101, and they're clueless to the fact that it's risky to leave your car in the parking lot."

"I couldn't possibly break into cars and drive off with them!" I want to ask if he's crazy, but I already know the answer. "Not to mention I don't know how to waitress. I doubt my clumsiness makes me a stellar candidate."

Jacob raises his hand again, and I flinch. The evil smile he gives me in return proves that it's intentional. "You and Paul can work that out. You simply nab keys and pass them to him, and he'll give them back after he runs them through the code cutter."

I don't say anything else; I'm honestly too scared and too tired. He turns and motions to the morons with him, and they all start filing out.

Jacob stops at the door. "Oh, and don't think I've forgotten about your father's promise."

 _Fuck._ I give in when he leaves and sit down, my knees too weak to keep me standing. Maybe keeping him happy with his chop shop, can help me avoid unholy matrimony.

That just reminds me of Edward and the way he looked earlier today. He's still as handsome as I remember, and then some. He was sweet and patient for the most part with his little girl. He got flustered for a minute when she spilled her drink, but Sue Clearwater came bustling from the back and wiped up the table and ran the mop over the floor. I noticed she fussed over the pair for several more minutes before moving on back to the kitchen. I shrank down in my seat, fascinated with the salt shaker while she passed by me. I liked her, but I couldn't start a conversation with her while Edward was in the restaurant and chance him discovering me there.

I never saw a woman, never heard the girl ask after her mother, but that meant nothing. Edward is the ultimate in marriage material as far as I- and possibly all women over the age of sixteen in the Pacific Northwest- am concerned. I still have dreams of the life we talked about constantly; the plans that we made while we were curled together in his truck, whispering words of love and commitment. There's always been this emptiness… the expectation of promises fulfilled. I know I've had all that I could ever expect to have, with love and friendship and adoration and just a sense of _belonging._ That's never coming my way again, there's no prize at the end of any rainbow. I created the void, I just wish it had sucked me into it along with my empty heart.

 **Then**

"Thank you for having me for dinner, Mrs. Cullen." I smiled shyly at my boyfriend's mom. Esme Cullen was one of the nicest adults I'd ever met, not someone who looked for the next thing someone owed her like Charlie did.

"You're always welcome, Bella, you know that." She smiled, and I felt the warmth in my chest much the way I did when I was with my own mother.

"I love my mom, but she isn't a very good cook," I laughed. "I prefer your cooking."

Alice piped up, "Mom teaches me, I'm sure she could teach you, too."

"That's a great idea, Mary Alice. You could come after school a few days a week," Mrs. Cullen offered.

I blushed, and Emmett laughed. "It's so easy to make you red faced, Bells."

I blushed harder, and Edward felt the need to come to my defense. "Stop picking on her, E."

"She's fine, she can hold her own, can't ya?" Emmett directed it at me, but I just looked at my lap. Their family was louder than mine, way more boisterous than what I was used to having at my house.

"Did you finish your homework, Emmett?" Mr. Cullen thankfully changed the subject and took the attention off me.

I turned to Edward, and the corners of my mouth lifted at his grin. "Any chance to see more of you is a good idea in my book."

"It would be a good idea for the future. Especially if you've never learned to cook," I said quietly.

"Oh, she taught me and Emmett first."

I couldn't help but giggle. "Then we're covered, aren't we?"

He nodded, a sparkle in his jade eyes, and I sighed softly in contentment. We'd been talking about marriage more and more, and it made me happy that his family accepted me, and us. I wanted a big brother, a little sister, and a mother _and_ father that doted on their children. We just hadn't decided if we should wait until we were a little older, instead of rushing to do it after I graduated. My only fear was the year of separation while he was off at college, but he was working up the nerve to tell his parents he wanted to put it off until I could join him.

The simple teenage complexities that seemed monumental at the time were what I'd give anything to be worrying about again.

* * *

 **I know some of you guessed Jacob, and you were right. Plus, a glimpse of teenage love.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ugh, daylight saving time. I certainly don't feel like I'm saving anything.**

* * *

 **Now**

Nothing says small town like ducking behind the aisles at the grocers in the middle of town square trying to hide from your ex. I've tried so hard to avoid a confrontation with Edward, and here I find myself with my nose buried in the Doritos in the hopes that he'll keep walking. I'm so invested in the fucking flavor choices and trying not to breathe too noisily in my panic, but I hear the footsteps behind me falter anyway.

"Is- is that _you_?" The anguish that has built for years is clear in his voice as it trembles.

I turn so slowly, reluctant as ever to face my past. Tucking a length of hair behind my ear, I stare somewhere around the third button on his dress shirt. I hear the gasp as recognition hits.

"I knew that was you on the hill at Renée's funeral. Why are you still here?" he demands.

"Well, you know, I'm, uh, here for Charlie." I don't mumble, but I don't shout, either. I don't have a better answer than that one.

He steps closer to me, and a lifetime of instinct tells me to wrap my arms around him, but I simply can't do that to the wrecked boy I turned him into.

"Always with the lies," he hisses. "You hate your father."

It's true, and of course he knows that. He knows everything about seventeen year old me, but nothing about what I've gone through since then. "I don't know what you want me to say," I growl, finally looking up at his face. God, what a mistake. There's fire in his piercing green gaze, pinning me to the shelves behind me.

"That you'll be gone by the end of the week." His harsh words are nothing but the truth of what he wants, only I can't promise him that.

"There have always been things going on in my life that you don't see," I hiss, feeling terribly defensive.

"Because you won't just tell me! You'd sooner lie to the pope than just spit out the truth!" He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, turning away from me before coming back and leaning closer still. My heart beats faster in remembrance, and I swallow convulsively at the contempt on my beloved's face. "You destroy the lives of everyone you know."

I want to tell him what's been going on for as long as I can remember, God knows I do, but it's just a lot of water underneath the bridge I burned years ago. "Why can't you accept that it's not my truth, or lack of, that's destroyed everything? There are things going on right under your privileged nose, but you only want to put the target on _my_ back. You may have come from the perfect family, shielded from anything bad in this fucking town, but _not_ me."

Pushing away from the shelves, I abandon my cart and walk as fast as I can out of the store. I'm not entirely surprised to see Paul waiting for me; I'm due to start working for him at the bar today, and apparently I am not to be trusted. Black is so stupid if he thinks threatening my life gains my acquiescence. There's only one person I've constantly protected, and it clearly isn't my miserable self. Then again, if his note is anything to go by, he _does_ know who to threaten. I don't even bother to question or argue with him, I just follow him to his bike and climb on the back. The last thing I want is to put my arms around Paul, so I grab the bar behind my seat, hanging on tight as he takes off.

My stomach flips as I see Edward standing near the door of the store, watching in distaste as I leave with another man. My thoughts drift to happier times as the bike under me roars, taking the long and winding route to the edge of town.

 **Then**

Morning sun caressed my skin like an unseen lover, waking me, and I rolled over. Brushing into solid warmth, I blushed as I recalled what we did the night before. Stretching carefully, I took inventory of my body and the way I felt. I was sore, but not terribly so. My hamstrings protested a little, but other than that I was easily the happiest person in the world.

"Are you okay?" he asked, the deepening timbre of his voice rumbling through his chest.

"Absolutely," I answered, shifting over him so I could look in his eyes. "I don't think there's anything better than waking up naked with you."

Edward laughed, and his chest rumbled again. "I concur, Miss Swan."

Our legs were entangled, so I stroked my calf over his. "How long do we have?"

"They said lunchtime." The senior Cullens had taken Emmett to visit colleges in and around Seattle, and Alice had gone with them. Edward feigned an illness so we could have the night alone.

Together. For the first time.

"I think I'm okay enough to get some more practice," I giggled.

His eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

I nodded against him. "Any soreness would be _so_ worth it."

I dipped my head, pressing my lips to his. His mouth was inviting, warm. It felt so good to be loved by him, to love him in return. His lips wandered to my neck and my ear, and I shifted once more, grinning when I felt how hard he was. I reached down, stroking him once and sinking down slowly, carefully. I hissed at the pain, but it really was worth it. My inexperienced body moved on instinct, my hips shifting and rolling as I watched his face. He was beautiful, stunning in his pleasure as I did my best to bring him to orgasm. I wanted to do this for him, to repay some of the love he'd always shown me, from the very beginning. He'd been sweet, caring, and thoughtful from the day we met, when the Cullens moved to Forks my second year of middle school. Edward Cullen was the most selfless human being I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he cherished me, clumsy, shy, and plain Bella Swan. I worshiped his body despite the pain I was sure to endure later in the day, and possibly the next. I could only find so much information in the school's health books about losing your virginity; although I knew it was harder on the woman than the man. I could never ask my mother for advice on this, though I was close to her. She would freak if she knew what I was doing right now.

I pushed away thoughts of after, and focused on the moment. His upturned lips, the creases in his forehead, and the strong grip of his hands on my hips. When he held me tightly to him and his glorious head of hair tilted back, I grinned in triumph. I had done that.

"Baby," he murmured. He stroked my hair as his breathing slowed. I listened to the beat of his heart, the slowing thud almost lulling me to sleep.

"Mmm," was my only response.

"You're going to be hurting because of me." His voice was filled with regret, but I knew he only regretted my discomfort.

"Worth it," I mumbled. "So worth it."

"I'll love you forever, Bella," he breathed out as he kissed my head. It was the first of thousands of times he'd uttered that phrase. It would become embedded in my self-consciousness, seared on my brain and in my heart. It would replay in my memory constantly as we navigated a high school relationship, as I wrecked his family, and as I ran like a coward. It would scream at me in my dreams, waking me in a cold sweat, the nausea roiling in my gut. It reminded me on a daily basis that I had done the right thing in separating him from the dangerous life I'd been thrust into.

But in that moment, as a love sick teenaged girl, I could only sigh over the romance, knowing we really would always be together.

"I love you, too, Edward. Forever. I promise."

* * *

 **I hope the glimpses of a happier past make up in some small way for the gloomy present. More questions and answers in the next chapter.**

 **Don't forget you can find me on Facebook for teasers on Sundays.**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**

 **Or search for MeteorOnAMoonlessNight**


	6. Chapter 6

**One big question answered, and probably more raised.**

* * *

 **Then**

"Emmett eloped." Edward's voice was a mixture of awe and consternation. "That will make it harder on us if we want to marry straight after graduation. My parents went ballistic on him."

This was not good news for our situation, but I was happy for him anyway. Emmett was like my older brother, and he must have been very much in love with his girlfriend to marry her. "Wow. Have you spoken to him?"

I looked over at Edward, the crease between his eyes utterly adorable. "Yeah. They're moving into married student housing. He's so… happy isn't even the word. He's ecstatic that Rosalie agreed."

The Hales had moved into a nearby neighborhood of Forks, Rosalie and her twin brother Jasper attending the high school in the same graduating class as Emmett. I hadn't heard what their plans were for college, but apparently Rose had joined Emmett at the University of Washington. Now they were married, mere months into their first year of college.

It's what Edward and I had planned for my first year out of high school, without the eloping part, discussing down to the last detail of how it would work with me one year behind him. Although I worried about our age and immaturity, I knew without a doubt that he was it for me; I would put in whatever work was necessary to make a successful marriage.

"Do you know her very well? How many times did she come over?" It was a little strange that I'd never met her, as often as I could be found at the Cullen house.

"He says they weren't serious until they started spending more time together at college. He ran into her studying at the library so often that they formed a bond, according to him." There was a tick in the muscle of Edward's jaw, and I wondered what he was thinking.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't help but wonder what she knows about his inheritance." His gaze was somewhere off in the distance as we sat in the bed of his truck in our favorite meadow.

"You don't really think that's what had her agreeing, do you?" I knew Emmett was popular with the ladies, and had many friends. He had a boisterous, friendly personality that drew you in. He would do anything for anyone, and some kids at our school had never been afraid to use that to their advantage.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I just have this feeling, you know? But I want him to be happy, so I'll never say anything to him. I'll just have to wait and see if she makes a good wife, I guess."

"No more talk of Emmett, baby, okay?" It wasn't all that hard to distract him as I leaned into him and kissed along his jaw. It was something I constantly longed to do, put my mouth on the smooth skin stretched taut over the bone that created such a sharp line. He was delicious, precious to me, and I always wanted to worship him.

We lowered together to the quilt spread over the rusted metal, kissing long and deep, hands moving over clothing as we made out. And all thoughts of Emmett and Rosalie were forgotten.

 **Now**

I've had my first night as bar bitch, working for Jacob under Paul's supervision. To say I'm horrible at waitressing would be an understatement. I dropped or spilled more things than I successfully delivered, and I wasn't smooth enough to pilfer any keys. I just want to forget the whole experience, but I'm expected back tonight.

I run into Angela as I'm heading into the diner for lunch; literally run into her, my clumsy feet tripping over the edge of the industrial rug in place to scrape your shoes on. She catches my arm before looking at my face directly, and then she drops her hand immediately.

"Bella," she acknowledges, a stern and unfriendly expression on her heart shaped face.

I'm saddened by her reaction. I thought we could still be friends, if I ever got up the nerve to speak to her. "Hi, Angela. Um, I was just grabbing some lunch. Would you like to have a drink, maybe catch up?"

I can see the inner conflict as she contemplates my request. Finally, she nods and heads to a booth somewhere in the middle. I follow, grateful for the chance.

Sitting in the booth opposite my middle school best friend, I fidget silently until the waitress appears and we place our orders. This girl looks more friendly than the one that served me the first day I was in here, which reminds me that I want to ask about Edward. "So. I saw Edward in here the other day."

I rethink just diving in when Angela's eyebrow goes up above her glasses. "No 'how've you been, what are you doing with yourself'? You want to start off this conversation with 'I saw Edward in here the other day'?" she asks archly.

"I'm sorry Ang, that's not how I wanted to start this conversation. It just hurt, and still does, thinking of him with a wife and child." The pain of him loving someone else the way he was meant to love me once upon a time, is killing me.

She snorts. "He's not married, never has been. And his daughter Malone is adopted." She moves to leave, obviously disappointed with how this reunion is going, and I put out my hand to stop her.

"Wait. Angela, I do want to talk to you, honestly. I could use a friend." I can't afford to take advantage of her if I want to have anybody in Forks on my side.

She sinks back into the booth, watching me carefully. "Well, I'm gonna need some explanations if you want to be friends again. I haven't heard from you in four years."

All of that is fair, but how can I tell Angela and risk putting her in danger because of me? "There are some things that I really can't tell you. Mom and I left because Charlie was becoming abusive with her. I was afraid. I was afraid for her safety, mine, and really anyone close to me. I lied to Edward, Angela. I lied and told him that I didn't love him anymore because I wanted him to move on and have a life, even if it couldn't be with me."

"And yet you're upset that he might have done just that, and moved on," she points out, as though I don't see my hypocrisy.

"Yeah. I know, I suck."

She sighs. "What safety, Bella?"

"That's the part I truly can't answer."

Angela rolls her eyes, but I'd rather she think me dramatic than wind up involved with this crap I'm stuck in. "So why'd you come back?"

"Um, well, Charlie was really insistent. I ignored him for awhile, but then Renée died." I blink back the tears, still feeling the huge blow of her death.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me more." The waitress drops off my food and refills Angela's drink. "Ben and I got married last year," she tells me, showing me her wedding rings.

"That's really great. He always made you happy." I want to move on from the past, to find a way to be happy, but I just don't know how. Maybe renewing my friendship with Angela can be a start.

We talk strictly about her and what she and Ben have been doing, but my mind wanders back to Edward and the little girl he adopted. I wonder why he would choose to be a single father, what he studied in college, assuming he went, and what he does for a living. A small spark of hope wells up in my chest as I think of the fact that he isn't actually married, but I squash it as soon as it comes. I'm still the girl he hates, and all the reasons I let him go still exist. My situation is even more dangerous than it originally was, and I still come with baggage.

She skirts around the issue of Emmett, which is good. I need a reprieve from the accusations, even though I know it's the proverbial elephant in the room. One day I'll tell her the very basics, but only if I know for sure she won't be compromised by my truths. I'll take what I can get from her for now, and deal with her questions as they come. Hopefully she'll maintain our budding friendship, even once she knows what I did.

* * *

 **So. Malone is adopted, and Edward has never married. It's going to be a long time before the motivation behind her adoption is revealed.**

 **Emmett and Rose married in their first year of college, without the family present, and he's involved in Bella's secret.**

 **Edward and Bella will talk again in the next chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone sticking around and reading.**

 **What happens when Bella finds Edward and tries to explain?**

* * *

 **Now**

I watch the light bending to the will of the earth as the sun disappears below the horizon, while sitting in my car outside the bar. I'm expected inside Dead End, but I don't have it in me. I'm so exhausted, utterly bone-weary and sick of this new life. I've forced my feet forward every day, dragging toward a predetermined destiny I'm already disgusted with. I'm a thief, a con artist, a pawn in the mob's game; I don't even want to play, but I can't afford not to win.

Banging my head on the steering wheel doesn't clear my mind, but I get out of the car anyway since I don't have a choice. Paul would just find me and yank me inside despite my protests, and then I'd have to answer to Jake. I've avoided him like my life depends on it, and in more ways than one, it does. If I cross him, he might kill me for sport. If he gets bored, he might enforce his offer of marriage and, frankly, I'd sooner die. I'd rather be his pawn than his bitch.

Paul greets me with a raised eyebrow, and I give him a small wave, knowing I'm a few minutes late. I go to the back and store my purse in the locker provided to me, along with my all-weather jacket. My shirt, if it can be classified as such, is tiny as hell with the bar's name scrawled across my boobs in bright red. It's tight, low cut, and short, with fringe along the bottom that sort of hides my midriff. I hate it. I run my brush through my hair, knowing it makes Paul happy when it's down and styled. Slicking siren red lipstick on, I inhale deeply, holding it until I think I'll pass out before huffing it out loudly. I straighten my shoulders before heading out to the main area of the bar.

"Squeaking by, Isabella," Paul warns. Humming in acknowledgement, I clock in and grab my waist apron. I feel ridiculous heading over to a table, but that's not likely to change anytime soon. I really do suck at this so-called job.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" I ask the guy in a fake chipper voice. I have to write his order carefully, since my memory is shit, and I sit in an empty chair in the hopes I can scoop his keys up under my order pad without him noticing. My adrenaline spikes as I'm successful, and I back away from his table a few steps before turning and practically sprinting for the POS system.

Paul saunters over casually, and I palm him the set of keys so they don't rattle. The music is fairly loud, but I never succeed with this part and I'm not taking any chances. He sends the car key through the code cutter, then hands the entire set back to me. I grab the order I placed and return to the table and set the glass down before bending over and pretending to retrieve his set of keys.

"Hey, looks like you dropped these." I smile sweetly as I drop them in his hand. He gives me a leering grin in return.

"Thanks, babe. I know exactly how I can repay you," he smirks. I try not to shiver visibly.

"No thanks, fraternization is against the rules." I'm lying, Paul wouldn't care if the girls were giving blow jobs in the bathroom to keep the marks occupied. Hell, he'd probably be thrilled. Turning on my heel, I head to another customer and try to calm my nerves. I'd been taught to look for high-end car logos on the keys, and the next guy does not qualify as a mark.

My mood worsens as the night wears on. The guys doing the boosting are careful to wait and watch the customers, making sure there are no overlapping men running in and yelling about their stolen cars. Eventually, I'll learn to not take each set of keys that look right, waiting for the first victim to leave before another unsuspecting victim strolls in. There's only a total of about three thefts per night, but it adds up over the course of the weeks and months. The very idea that I'm at least partially responsible for wrecking these people's lives sends me running to the bathroom by the end of my shift, retching on my hands and knees. I just want to go home and shower off the disgusting feeling this job gives me.

The next day is my day off, and I find myself worried and stressed over the decision I made last night while I was lying in bed unable to sleep. I make a point of wearing subtle makeup and a flattering dress, styling my hair until it looks exactly right. I can't walk in heels without face planting, but I put on my favorite sandals and grab my purse, easing out the door to a semi cloudy day. In Forks, that's a good sign. My nerves almost get the best of me as I feel my breakfast threatening to rise, but I take a few calming breaths and go.

With information I learned from Angela, I make my way to the bank downtown and sit on the picnic bench in front of the founder's statue in the park across the street. I'm so nervous I'm staring at my hands as they wring on top of the table; I feel him before I see him, a tingling that starts at the base of my scalp and runs down my spine. My eyes seek him out, and I'm disappointed all over again at the look in his eyes. Edward hates me, which I deserve. I wish it could be different, and so I'm going to do my best to make that happen. I see the slowing in his gait as he recognizes me in his usual lunch spot, and the confusion on his face because I'm sure he didn't expect me here. He approaches the table with the same caution given a wild and unpredictable animal.

"Is this some kind of joke?" he rasps out. The lunch bag in his hand is squeezed, his empty hand in a tight fist.

"No, Edward, of course not. I just wanted to talk to you and explain some of the things you've wanted to know." My face is flushed, my embarrassment at his loathing causing a deep blush. There was a time he would have greeted me with a passionate kiss, but today is definitely not that time.

Edward stares at me for a good long time, until I squirm under his scrutiny, until I'm positive he's going to tell me to get lost. Finally he sits across from me, pulling plastic containers out of his reusable sack and getting out a fork. I watch, mesmerized, as he opens a container and starts in on meatloaf, wiping his lips on a napkin before opening a bottle of water. All of this is done without a single word uttered on either of our parts. I can't decide if he's going to ignore me or hear me out.

"I guess I'll just talk," I mutter before swallowing thickly. He doesn't look up. "As I told you when… when I left, Charlie had advanced from verbal abuse to smacking Mom around. So she decided to take me and leave, finding a house in a close-knit community in Florence, Oregon. We lived an idyllic few years, in a quaint house on the beach where Mom never had to be sad or scared again." I pause for breath, wishing I'd brought water with me. When I glance up I see him focused on my face, finally paying attention for the first time. "Before we left, I thought to myself, you just can't screw up Edward's life when he's got so much potential right in front of him. And yet, I was going to."

"Bella-"

I cut him off with a sharp shake of my head. "No. You deserve the answers I can give you. I was going to beg you to come to Oregon, I swear to God. You didn't know about what I had to do to Emmett yet, and I thought I could hold on to you." I make a sound of disgust and drop my eyes back to the table. "That was the worst kind of blasphemy, telling you I didn't want you. And it wasn't just that I knew you'd find out what I'd done and hate me for it, it was because I- I-" The trembling stops me from speaking for a minute, and I _feel_ his gaze boring into the top of my head. And I'm terrified, and liberated by what I've shared, but I can't seem to say what needs to be said. I can't get the words past the regret, and instead I try to swallow the lump they've formed.

I stand abruptly, thinking this is a massive mistake, and stride quickly away from _him,_ away from the sunshine and flowers of a park in an ordinary world. I know what truly lies beneath, and it is not good. It's the epitome of evil, and I can't entangle Edward in my web of deceit. I won't be the black widow again, luring him in only to feast on his implicit faith in me. _I'll love you forever, Bella._ I have to break my promise of forever to keep him and his daughter safe.

"Bella, wait!" I hear his voice just before I hear his feet pounding behind me, and his hand grabs my shoulder, forcing me to spin and face him. I don't know what I must look like, but I can feel the warmth of the tears tracking down my cheeks. He's so close, _so close_ , and my gut is churning at the expression in his eyes. It's all too familiar, and I don't have the strength to back off as he lowers his head, his soft lips touching mine for a brief kiss. It stuns me, this display of anything besides hatred, and from the look on his face, he feels the same.

"I thought I could say it, just tell you and maybe take some of the weight from your heart. I guess I was wrong. Again." I have to turn and walk away from the love of my life again. I'm still running scared, hiding my heart and trying desperately to guard his.

* * *

 **If you're wanting to flip your desk or throw your phone, and if you want to know exactly how Emmett is involved, I'm posting an excerpt from next week's chapter in my beta's blog post tomorrow! BeLynda also has Kim Roland-Edwards as a guest with 3 recs for you. If you don't want to miss out, sign up for email alerts at smutslutsandangstwhores dot blogspot dot com.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Quite a few of you asked, "Why the fuck would he kiss her, Lara?" (Although you were all much more polite.)**

 **I picture Edward for four years, thinking back to the time they had together, trying to hate her but unable. Because deep down, he knows her better than anyone. He knows her character, he knows her heart. He's pissed, yeah. He's confused as hell. And he's testing the waters. Because when he promised he'd love her forever, he meant it.**

* * *

"I don't know what the fuck to do, Ange. I tried to fix it, tried to tell him the truth, but I clammed up." I drop my spoon in my cup and swirl it around harder than necessary. Angela agreed to have breakfast with me at the diner, and I'm grateful yet again for her friendship.

"Well, it's a start. You haven't even told me, and we talk all the time now." Her brow arches as she looks at me before digging in to her eggs.

"Is that a not so subtle hint that you want more information about me?" She doesn't respond. "Hi, my name is Isabella Marie Swan, I'm twenty-one and single. I have three years of college under my belt, where I was studying to be a pharmacist. In order to protect those around me, I broke my high school boyfriend's heart and put his older brother in jail, which has made _me_ the number one enemy in this town."

"You don't have to do this."

"My mother was murdered three weeks ago, and I know who did it, but I can't prove it or even talk about it, because the killer is dangerous, Angela. _Deadly_. And now I'm stuck here, waitressing at the Dead End, because _irony_."

"Bella." She reaches across the table, placing her hand over mine. "Honestly, I let it go after the first day. I see what it's doing to you, and I don't want to contribute to your misery."

"I appreciate that, I do. I want to tell you, I want to tell Edward. Hell, I want to stand in Forks Square and shout to anybody passing by what's really going on. Nobody would believe me, of course." I snort indelicately and start in on my own breakfast.

Angela leans in. "Are you telling me there's a criminal element here, in Forks?" she asks in an undertone.

I nod my head while keeping eye contact. "It's deep, and it's spread to other cities. I'm somehow in debt to the boss, and I'm stuck doing his dirty work. I'm so sick of it, Ange. I can't go to the police because he owns them, so where does that leave me?"

She shakes her head. "I never knew all this. Speaking of the police, have you spoken to your dad?"

I stay silent for a minute while the waitress comes by and refills our coffee. "I haven't. It's his fault that I got involved in this four years ago, and his threats that brought me back here and into this mess last month."

"Do you… do you know what he said about you when you left? I'm starting to wonder if it was a lie, now that I've spent time with you." I try to read the emotion in her dark eyes, but I'm coming up with nothing.

"I know that it was leaked that I testified, despite it supposedly being a closed hearing. I know that what I did was wrong, but I didn't have a choice. However, to explain all of that I would have to point fingers at the criminals, and that puts us all in danger."

"Well, he, uh, he said you set Emmett up to take the fall. He said you were only with Edward to get to Emmett." I gasp loudly, clapping my hand over my mouth. "That you were jealous of Rosalie and wanted to punish them both, putting him in a position to lose her."

Tears leak from under my closed eyelids, my fingers trembling over my mouth. "My own father," I croak, grasping blindly for my napkin. "I knew he was a bastard, but to even bother to spread that lie..."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I thought he was telling the truth, all these years. Everyone in town believes it, it explains you breaking up with Edward and ditching town."

"But how does he explain Emmett still being in jail if I lied and he knows it? Why doesn't he just say it wasn't true and get him out?"

"He said that he tried, but Emmett was caught in the stolen car. He said it was your doing, that you set him up to steal the car for you."

"That makes no sense, Angela. First, I was never interested in Emmett. I was happy for him when he and Rosalie eloped, even though Edward was worried about her. I-I did turn Emmett in, technically. I called the sheriff"s office and told them I'd seen him driving the car. But not for any of those reasons. For the same reasons I left, and broke Edward, and I'm now doing what I'm doing."

She lowers her gaze, and I watch a blush creep up her face. "I believed him. He's our police chief, and I thought he was an honest man. I'm understanding now that I was wrong, but you have to tell Edward. You see, he still believes Charlie. He'll never stop hating you if you don't explain."

"But why should he believe me?" I hiss. "He has no reason to trust me or anything I say." I throw my napkin on the table and dig money out of my wallet.

"He and Ben are friends," she blurts. "Let me ask Ben to talk to him first. He can make him see that it's stupid of us to think you'd ever do such things."

Standing there, staring at the only friend I have right now, I'm completely overwhelmed and confused. Should I drag her husband into this mess, as one more person to add to the list of potential casualties? She stands and hugs me, speaking low in my ear. "Let me do this for you, Bella. As a way to make up for believing the worst of you."

As she pulls away, I nod. Maybe I can get the whole story out, and maybe he'll believe me. I leave the diner with mixed emotions.

It's several days later that I'm shocked by Angela telling me that Ben has talked with Edward, and he would like to meet with me. I told her to have him come over to the apartment, hoping that with the privacy, I can explain things truthfully to him without interruptions.

There's a knock on my door as I'm straightening up the room, and I feel the nervousness build as I think about Edward being in my apartment. Smoothing my sweaty palms over my jeans, I quickly make my way to the door and pull it open. Only it isn't Edward standing on the other side, it's Jacob and my father. I could hear crickets if I tried hard enough, that's how much silence greets their arrival. Glancing at the clock, I wonder if Edward is actually coming, and if he'll run into them if he does. I don't want these worlds to ever mix.

"Isabella," Charlie inclines his head as he acknowledges my presence. How fortunate I am to have such a loving, demonstrative father.

Jacob is not so subtle, pushing his way by me as I stand frozen in shock. "I was so disappointed in you when I heard you hadn't contacted your father since returning to Forks." He runs his fingers along my belongings, and a feeling of revulsion washes over me. His very presence makes me nauseated.

"I've been busy," I force out around my fear.

Charlie accompanies Jacob into my home, circling around and looking at everything. "Why didn't you simply come back to the house? There was no reason to pay for a place."

"Are- are you serious? After all the things you've done, you think I'd move back in with you?" I spit out, stepping away from the door without thinking to close it.

I don't see Jacob as he comes up behind me, yanking my head back by my hair. I cry out in terror more than pain, knowing from experience exactly what he's capable of. "That's _not_ how you talk to either of us," he growls in my face. "You need to step up your game at Dead End, or I'll call in that favor Charlie owes me."

"Don't know why you didn't just agree, anyway. He's got money, power, he ain't ugly," Charlie laughs.

"Because he's a _monster_!" I scream up into Jacob's face. He jerks me roughly, and I see stars at the way my scalp stings as he pulls a few strands out. "Let me go!" I spit in his face, watching in sick satisfaction as it lands wetly on his cheek. He shoves me and I fall to the floor, skittering into my dresser. He wipes his face with his sleeve before advancing on me, his height more intimidating than ever as he looms. My heart pounds unevenly in my chest, and I hear his boots like gunfire as they clunk across the hardwood. Charlie just stands there, looking like he wants to join in. He always did enjoy throwing Mom around.

"What the _fuck_ is going on here?" the impassive voice comes from the doorway, and I've never been more thankful to hear it. Both Jacob and Charlie straighten up, though neither looks particularly worried.

"She fell, and I was helping her up," Jacob grits out between teeth clamped hard together.

"That's not what it sounded like from the stairs. You should know I've already contacted the authorities," he says, looking pointedly at Charlie.

Charlie laughs, unfazed. "Maybe you've forgotten, boy. _I_ _am the law_ in this town."

Edward bares his teeth, and if I didn't know him better, I'd be afraid. "I didn't say the _local_ authorities. I called the sheriff, _Chief_ Swan."

Both men suddenly look worried, and they move toward the door to leave. Jacob can't resist as he stops with his hand on the frame. "Work, Isabella. Tomorrow night."

With that, they leave, and Edward slams and locks the door behind him. I'm completely alone with him for the first time in years, only I can't tell what he's thinking as he looks down at me with fury painted on his features.

* * *

 **Do you think he's figured it all out?**


	9. Chapter 9

There is a certain softness that overlays the hardness of his muscles, enticing the tips of my fingers as they smooth over every inch of his flesh I can reach. I want to hear him, want the moans and naughty words he usually whispers in my ear, but he's uncharacteristically silent as I reach further. I wish he would touch me, encouraging the tingle between my thighs and easing the ache. I sigh, and open my eyes softly, expecting luminous green to meet deep brown. I blink several times in confusion before reality makes itself known. There's nothing there but a blank wall. I should be used to waking up alone, but the universe is bent on playing a cruel trick on me. I don't know which part of my body feels him there instead of the emptiness; my heart, my soul, or my brain.

Edward isn't here now, but he was. He helped me off the floor the previous night and asked me gruffly what I'd gotten myself into.

"I can't tell you," I'd mumbled, like a song you hated played on repeat. I needed to fire my inner station manager.

"Of course not," he scoffed, turning from me as I adjusted my clothing and rubbed at the bruises forming. I took the opportunity to stare at his profile, with his sharp jaw clenched tightly in his anger. His brow was furrowed, tempting me to smooth the wrinkles over them.

"Did you really call the sheriff?" I questioned, hoping to bring my thoughts back to the present.

"No, I was bluffing, but I would have if I'd needed to." He finally turned the furnace of his gaze on me, and I stifled a gasp.

"I do want to tell you some things, and I'd like to think you can put the rest together after what you just witnessed." I motioned to the only chair in the room, which was usually pushed under my bistro table, but had been knocked over in the earlier scuffle. When he sat in the chair he righted, I took the edge of the bed. He looked on me with an inscrutable expression, and I fidgeted before beginning.

"I want to start by saying I was happy. My mom and I, we were happy." Something ugly flickered in his eyes, but I plowed on. "It took some work, I admit, and I always… I always missed us, you know? What we had, and the possibilities we dreamed about but that never came to fruition."

His long fingers scrubbed over his face and through his hair, but he said nothing.

"I hope you were, too," I said softly. "I hope you found happiness here without me, because that's all I wanted. I know I screwed everything up, and I know you hate me." I dropped my gaze to the comforter. "I thought it was because you found out I testified against Emmett."

"You did testify against him, Bella. Regardless of anything Ben or anyone else swears isn't true, that one huge fact is true. That fact will always be against you, sitting in the 'cons' column." His breathing became heavier, his fists clenching and unclenching in his lap. "You left total fucking chaos in your wake when you ditched town, and you want me to know you were happy?" he spit in indignation.

"I know. I know I did, and I want you to understand I had no choice. I can't tell you-"

"You can't tell me why, yeah, I got it." Edward stood, looking down on me.

"Please, Edward, I haven't finished!" I shouted in a panic, standing in front of him. "I want to make it right, tell you what I can. Maybe it can help your brother."

We stood there, staring each other down, my chest heaving and his eyes blazing. Finally his shoulders sagged and he sat back down. I tried to even out my breathing as I sank back to the bed. "I was coerced to testify." His head jerked in my direction and his eyes bored into mine. "I was threatened, and your life was threatened. I had no choice, Edward," I whispered.

He was silent for an interminable time as my mother's heirloom clock ticked loudly from my bedside table. Finally, he spoke. "And if you admit you lied, what would happen?"

"It would mean my life," I answered so quietly that it was an exhaled breath.

"Can I have his case appealed? He told me not to, you know. He said he would do the time and for me not to worry. Our parents have begged him, but he doesn't… he doesn't want us to waste our time on him." The anguish on his face was hard to deal with, especially now that I was trying to make it right.

"I don't know. I didn't see him that night, but I wouldn't be able to recant. You can't have my testimony thrown out." I trembled at the thought of Jacob finding out I'd gone against him with Edward's help. It couldn't possibly end well for either of us.

"At the funeral, when I spotted you. Charlie told me you were moving back because you were getting married."

Ah, it looked like that one stung. I narrowed my eyes. "My father is a pathological liar." I sighed heavily, shifting on my bed. "There was an… offer. I ignored it, and it was made again. The second time I ignored it, my mother was murdered to gain my compliance." My words fell heavily from my lips, the reality still brutal in my heart.

He gasped. "Renée was _murdered_? Charlie has told everyone it was a blood clot."

I closed my eyes against the compassion I saw in eyes so familiar they haunted my dreams. "I found her in the back yard. She was planting daisies." I swallowed, but the lump remained. "She had a rather large inheritance, which I believe was the sole reason Charlie married her. Only he didn't realize it was put into a trust by my grandfather- to be passed to her children- so Charlie eventually started beating her for failing him. After I paid for her final expenses, I put everything back in a trust, except what I'll need until her house sells. I don't want him, or anyone else, getting their hands on that money through me." I sensed movement, and I opened my eyes to find him standing in front of me, hand outstretched. I sat, frozen, as I watched him move incrementally closer, the fingertips of his right hand twitching just before making contact. The nerve endings in my cheek caught fire, skin tingling, body yearning. Hearts hoped, recognizing mates, pounding furiously. All at a simple stroke of warm fingers.

And then he was gone, striding out my door and slamming it behind him. I refuted the finality of that sound, racing behind him only to lose my courage and stop on my side of the barrier, flipping the locks and standing with my cheek pressed to the coolness, hoping to quell the burn. He'd listened, though I could tell him a thousand more things about my life and never grow tired.

"I have a daughter." I startled at the sound of his voice through the door. He hadn't left yet. Was he pressed to the other side, reflecting my pose?

"I- I know. Angela told me." I held my breath, waiting for him to make another sound, anything to indicate he was going to stick around.

"So you know… she's mine, but she's not… mine." His voice was muffled but clear, and I realized I could feel his presence.

I smiled, though of course he couldn't see. "She is yours, and she's beautiful." I bit my lip, trying not to cry.

"I have to go," his disembodied voice said before I heard footsteps retreating.

I thought maybe there was hope again, and when my heart settled its crazy throbbing, I smiled until my cheeks hurt.

* * *

 **Hope comes and goes, doesn't it?**

 **If you haven't voted in the Mobward Contest, you still have a little bit of time, but only until the 12th! You can find it here at FFN under the writer, We Love Mobward Contest.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I know some of you missed the sections in the past.**

* * *

 **Then**

"Who is that boy over there playing with Benny?" I asked my best friend Angela.

She looked over her shoulder, then back to me. We were mostly just gossiping on the swing set. "That's Edward Cullen. You know his sister Alice, don't you?"

I nodded, still watching him and Benny as they raced each other across the monkey bars. "She's younger than us, so I only see her at the playground or sometimes at lunch."

Angela looked at me more carefully and giggled. "Bella, he's in 8th grade. Stop staring."

My eyes widened on hers as I finally tore my gaze from him. "So? That's only a year older. He's so tall already, Ange," I murmured.

"More like gangly. He won't sprout up until high school, you know. Besides, I think Benjamin is so much cuter."

My eyebrow shot up. "Since when does he go by 'Benjamin'? He's always gone by Benny, since we were in kindergarten."

"Since he turned thirteen, Isabella," she emphasized my full name for effect.

I shuddered. "Don't call me that, ever. Only my dad calls me Isabella," I said quietly.

"Sorry. _Bella_."

I swung back and forth gently a few times. "So have you asked him out yet?"

Angela laughed, a nasal giggling sound. "No. I'm waiting for him to notice me."

It was said so wistfully, and I realized something then and there. "Well, _I'm_ not waiting for some boy to notice me."

I stood from the swing, full of twelve year old confidence, and marched over to the monkey bars. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot in the mulch, waiting for the boys to reach the end and drop down. I watched Edward, his long skinny arms working furiously, long thin legs dangling. He reached the end first, crowing loudly and holding his arms above his head in victory.

"Cullen."

He turned to me, seeing me standing there like I owned the playground. "Yeah?"

"Winner takes me for ice cream," I stated, rather imperiously.

He looked a little confused, but he perused me up and down, his green eyes sparkling in the sun. "Okay."

"Okay." I suddenly didn't know what to do.

"Are your parents here?" he asked.

"Um, no. I'm allowed to stay in the square alone."

"Cool. Let's walk over to Miller's Confectionery." He held his arm out like a gentleman, and I shot a look to Angela before accepting, bending my elbow and linking it with his.

"You are going to wash up when we get there, aren't you?" I asked, worrying my lower lip in my teeth as I looked down at his dirty hands.

He laughed, and I still think that's the moment I fell head over heels.

 **Now**

I hear the bell chiming on the diner door, much like the bell in my memory at the ice cream shop. Edward and his daughter come in, and I see the recognition as his gaze lands on my face. I give him a smile but don't make any effort to move. I don't want to intrude on their time, I just want to watch them interact. There was a time when I knew that I would be the mother of his children, and everything about the girl's adoption has me curious, especially since Angela won't tell me a thing. Sue comes from the back, surprising me by stopping at my table and cupping my cheek with a warm, calloused hand.

"I'm glad that you came back, Bella."

Her earnest eyes take me by surprise, and I blink several times before answering. "Thanks, Sue. How are the kids?"

She chuckles. "Not kids anymore, sweetheart. They're both fine."

She seems to want to avoid the subject, and I remember that I've seen Seth with the gang from the reservation. "That's good to hear. I'm happy to see you're still running the diner."

"Nobody can run me off, dear. The Forks Diner is my baby, and I love cooking for all of you folks." She looks up as someone calls her name, and I watch as she goes to Edward and his daughter. The next thing I know, they're traipsing down the walkway and Sue and Mallie disappear into the ladies room.

"She likes it when Sue takes her," I hear from next to me, and my head swivels to face him.

"Is it awkward to take her yourself?" I inquire, genuinely curious about a single dad taking his daughter to the bathroom.

"I'm used to it by now, but I normally check the women's to make sure it's empty, then escort her inside." He chuckles lightly.

I smile in return, and watch him as he keeps his eyes trained to the bathroom door. "It's amazing, that you've taken on a child by yourself."

It's apparently the wrong thing to say, judging by the storm clouds that cover his face as he looks sharply at me. "I didn't have a choice," he snarls, eyes narrowed on my face. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, saved by Sue coming back with Mallie.

"You ready, love?" he asks her, completely transformed into a loving and patient father.

"Yes, Daddy!" she chirps, and I marvel at her springy pigtails and pink socks, and lovely pink lace shirt and skirt combo.

"Let's go then," he says, sparing me one more glance before heading out. I sigh, thinking we're moving backward more than forward.

"He'll come around," Sue declares from where she stands near my elbow.

"Will he? And for that matter, should he? I really am to blame for his attitude, Sue." I rub my temples with my fingertips, trying to ease the headache forming.

"I think he still loves you, or there wouldn't be so much hurt to work through. If he hated you, he'd wash his hands of you, but he hasn't done that."

"How do you know so much?"

"Years of watching and listening to folks." She pats my head in a motherly fashion before disappearing into the back again.

I head out the front after paying for my meal, deciding to walk back to my apartment and figure out what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I feel uneasy, like I'm being watched. I discreetly glance around, but I don't see anybody unusual. I wouldn't be surprised to discover Black is having me followed so he can keep an eye on his asset. The morning clouds have given way to late afternoon sun, and it's actually pleasant to walk down Main Street and glance in the shop windows and admire the wares. I let myself into my home, only to stop moving and lean heavily against the door.

My belongings are scattered, my bedding on the floor and the mattress cut up. Drawers and cabinets are hanging open, even my mother's favorite clock is on the floor in pieces. My reaction is swift and visceral, my knees buckle and I slide down the door, letting the tears fall and collect on my chin. It takes me several minutes as I try not to think of the heirlooms that are ruined, but I heave myself up and into the bathroom to wash my face, where writing on the mirror stops me cold.

 ** _Where's The Money?_**

It looks like permanent marker, large letters underlined with a bold stroke. My hands shaking, I swipe at the mirror with my palms, but it doesn't budge. I stumble out of the bathroom, moving back to my purse and pulling out my phone. I stare at my broken things as the call is answered.

"I need help."

* * *

 **Who do you think she called?**


	11. Chapter 11

**If you skip to the Now section to see who she called, I won't tell anyone.**

* * *

 **Then**

"But, Dad!" I protested to deaf ears, as he plowed on with his insane demands. He'd trapped me while I was trying to get a snack in the kitchen after school, when I typically tried my best to avoid him and his escalating temper.

"You'll do what I say, Isabella!" he shouted gruffly. "You saw him, end of story." Charlie moved forward, and his larger frame pressed mine against the sink with nowhere to escape. My head was back as I stared at a reddened, pissed off face.

"Of course there's more to the story, Dad! I never saw him in that car, I'm sure of it! He's not the type to steal, I think-"

Charlie's fingers wrapped around my throat, abruptly cutting off my words. "I don't care what you think, only what you say!" He squeezed a little tighter, and my eyes bulged in disbelief; air was still scraping its way into my lungs, but it was becoming very uncomfortable to breathe. "Understood?"

He loosened his grip, and I gasped in air to fill my burning lungs, my hands flying to my throat. It was the first time Charlie had laid a rough hand on me instead of just abusing Mom. "I'll say it. I'll testify," harsh pants interspersed my words. "Just- don't touch me again!" I pushed him away from me and ran through the house, racing out the front door and heading toward the park. I called Edward on my cell as I walked and asked him to pick me up, answering none of his questions about why.

When he arrived in his pickup, I gratefully jumped in, asking him to take me to the field we frequently parked at, rubbing my throat inconspicuously as he drove. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked more than once. I remained silent, staring out the window as I contemplated the consequences of what I had to do.

When Edward stopped the truck, I turned to him. "Make love to me," I implored. It came out a little scratchy, as my throat was still recovering from earlier. I needed him to comfort me more than ever.

His brows disappeared into the shaggy hair hanging in his face. "Uh, yeah. Just, why? You seem upset, don't you want to talk?"

"I don't want to talk," I assured him as I scooted closer, winding my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. I needed a balm for the ache in my throat, a distraction from the storm brewing at my house. I wanted to forget my father, and forget that I'd just agreed to testify against Emmett, which would most likely send him to jail. I wanted to forget about the effect my testifying would have on my relationship with Edward.

His hands moved to my shirt as we kissed frantically, unfastening the small pearl buttons before running his fingers over the exposed skin. Frissons ran along my skin and raced up and down my spine; this was known, familiar and welcomed. Edward was my home, and I needed that solidity now more than ever. I pushed his hair out of his face and then grabbed it as I dragged his mouth to my breast, encouraging and demanding the pleasure he brought me when his teeth caught my nipple. Moans erupted like an active volcano, both of us spurred on by the sounds. We lowered down to the seat, and my hands worked his pants until I could free his hard length. Frantically, I moved my skirt and my underwear, pulling him toward me with my knees around his hips.

"You're in a hurry," he observed on a breath, and I knew there was no complaint intended.

"Yes," I exclaimed, to answer his question and because of the feelings he brought about in me as he slipped inside my eager body.

We'd had plenty of practice since our first time, but I didn't always come. I didn't know if I was too inside my head, or if there was something else to it that we were missing. However, this was not one of those times. I let go, I let all the grief and turmoil leave my body as Edward pounded his hips into mine, as I gave myself to him and accepted his gift in return. My cries were loud, coming from a place deep inside myself that I hadn't known existed. And when Edward collapsed his weight on me and I held on for all I was worth, I cried.

Everything in my life was about to change, and I was terrified. I clung to his shoulders as he whispered eternal love in my ear. _I'll love you forever, too, Edward. Even though you'll hate me soon._

 **Now**

The soft knock on my door brings me out of my daydream. I remember that last time we were together as though it was yesterday, savoring the ghost weight of Edward's body sprawled on top of mine. I open the door, looking forlornly into my visitor's eyes, dark depths filled with caring and understanding.

"Sweetheart," she says, closing the door and pulling me in for a tight hug. I miss the motherly connection I had with Renée, and I cling to Sue's cushiony curves, feeling a new relationship forming.

"I don't know what to do anymore, but I know that I'm done." I bite back the sob that threatens to drown out my words.

"Come sit with me," she offers, stepping carefully around my broken belongings. She picks up my chair and gestures for me to sit while she goes into the kitchen area. Rummaging in the open cabinet doors, she pulls out a box of tea. Looking around, she plucks my metal teapot from the floor and takes it to the sink. I watch her as she methodically sets about making us tea, finding everything she needs with little hunting, since it's all sitting out in the open now.

"I know it was either Charlie or Jake. They're both pissed at me," I start. "They both think I have access to Mom's money, and I don't. I tried to tell them, but they don't believe me."

"Well. I believe I can help you, but I think you have to come clean to that dear boy first."

"I mostly have, Sue. I know he's angry, and he should be. But how do I convince him I had no choice, and I still don't?" I sniff as the tears test my boundaries, and I force them back again. Between the mob, my father, and a broody man, I'm done crying over all of this.

"I can help you. I know what's going on; Seth is involved much the way you are." She comes to the table with the tea and sets it in front of me, but there's nowhere for her to sit. She peers out my window instead, crossing her arms over her stomach.

"I thought so, I've seen him in the bar." Taking a careful sip, I realize that I'm freezing, and I cup the hot mug in my hands to warm them.

"He was given an ultimatum, sweet girl, just like you. It was my life they threatened." She says this calmly, without a hint of fear. "Shitty part is, Leah is involved with Black, deeply and purposefully." She shakes her head before levelling a hurt gaze on me. " _That_ is a huge reason I'm going to take him down."

I stare at her for a very long time, the thoughts in my head spinning on the hamster wheel. I try to analyze my response from all angles before committing to what I'm about to do.

"I'm in."

* * *

 **Did anybody out there guess Sue? She has connections to actually help.**

 **Edward returns next chapter, and Bella will finally lay it all out for him.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I apologize, but I got my chapters confused when I said Bella will lay it all out in this chapter. It's the next one, but she and Edward do start the talk in this one.**

* * *

 **Then**

"Bella, honey, come have a seat. I'll get to that later." I heard my mom calling for me from the back yard, but I wanted to finish fixing the cabinet door for her. She'd made up a beautiful afternoon tea for us on the patio overlooking the lake. She even used her floral tray and broke out her best china tea set. She had little petit fours from the bakery down the beach; Mom never could bake worth a damn.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Making sure the screw was tight, I put her screwdriver back in the junk drawer and headed out the open patio doors. Her backyard was small, mostly because the sand crept in, but she had a garden planted along the house. I watched the lazy bobbing of the flower heads, identifying snapdragons and nasturtium among others in the haphazard order my mother had perfected. I made my way to the little round table with the umbrella that she had set to one side of the yard and kissed her cheek before sitting next to her.

"You're always so busy these days," she complained with an indulgent smile. "It makes me happy, but I miss you."

"How about we make plans to go to the outlet mall in two weeks. After I get these papers turned in, I won't feel so swamped at school." I used the honey dipper, watching the way it drizzled slowly off the end and disappeared into the dark liquid of my tea. I lifted the cup to my nose, inhaling the citrusy tones of bergamot before having a taste.

"I met somebody," Mom twittered, so exuberantly child-like. It was one of my favorite qualities of hers. She passed the cake plate before continuing, and I selected a tiny lavender cube. "He's so thoughtful, Bella. He's a gentleman, holding doors and offering his umbrella. Not just to share, either, but for me to use."

The smile on her face was contagious. "I'm happy for you, Mom. What's his name?"

"Phil. He runs the gardening center now, and I've found myself stopping by even when I don't need anything, just to chat!" She giggled, looking and sounding so young and vital.

"You'll have to bring me to meet him before we hit the mall," I suggested.

Her smile lit up her face.

 **Now**

I realize now, as I sit here in Sue's kitchen waiting for Edward, that our afternoon tea was the last time my mother and I were together. We texted a time or two about our plans, but that was the last time I hugged her, the last time we chatted like girlfriends. I'd been so busy writing papers and studying, that I had not stopped by again. We'd talked about Charlie and the letter he'd sent, and agreed to ignore it, having no clue how dangerous his connections had become.

Sue had the idea to meet Edward at her house, since mine was lacking in the seating department. She used to live on the reservation until Black turned it into his personal playground for him and his idiot followers. Her house now, that she shares with her husband Harry, is a simple white stone cottage style with a small porch. She ushered me into the homey blue kitchen and offered me a drink, but for now we just sit and wait. Sue called Edward and asked him to leave Mallie with Esme and come to talk with her, and he'd agreed to come right over.

She didn't mention me, or what she wanted to talk to him about. I wasn't sure he would come if she had.

I hear the engine as a car pulls up, and the nerves working in my stomach triple. After rubbing my palms on my jeans, I grip the edge of the chair I'm in, waiting while Sue goes to the door. I hear their voices drift down the hall.

"Hello, Edward."

"Sue. I just saw you at the diner, is everything alright?"

"Sure, I just wanted to talk to you about some things."

There's a pause before their footsteps start clicking louder. My stomach clenches and I shoot to my feet, reluctant to be sitting and have to look up at him.

Edward stops short halfway around the wall that separates the kitchen from the rest of the house. He looks to me, then to Sue, confusion clearly on his face. "Bella? Sue, what's going on?"

"I'm going to give you two a minute, and then we're all going to talk." With that, Sue's dark head disappears around the corner.

Edward watches me as I shift from one foot to the other in a display of nerves. I need to speak up, but I don't know where to start. We've attempted this a couple of times now, and it's never quite gone the way I'd planned. I'm so damn nervous. "Edward, if there is any chance for us to move forward, and for you to forgive me, I need you to listen when I tell you everything. I'm also going to give you information that will hopefully help Emmett, and in turn help Sue with Seth and Leah."

His hands scrub through his hair, and I realize he's moved forward until he's close enough to touch. "First, I want you to know that I've been doing a lot of thinking since you came back. After everything I've pieced together so far, it seems you really had no choice. I need to forgive you for the past if I'm ever going to be happy again. I never…"

My breath catches as he moves toward me, closer and closer, finally engulfing me in his embrace. His scent washes over me, and it's such a memory overload of our time together. I bite back a sob as the feelings overwhelm me, and I wrap my arms around his head, burying my face into his neck. His arms engulf me around my waist, pulling me into his chest, and it's broader than I remember, but somehow feels the same. Like home. "You have no idea how much I've missed you," I choke out.

"I have a very good idea, Bella," he murmurs, hands stroking down my hair.

"I don't understand how you don't still hate me when I haven't told you everything that's happened."

"I've struggled with it since you returned, honestly." Edward holds me out at arm's length so he can look me in the eye. "I meant it when I said I would love you forever."

The tears I've been holding back fall, and he swipes them off my cheek with his thumbs. He gestures to the table, and we sit, Edward taking one of my hands in both of his. "You have every right to hate me. I said awful things, and I lied."

"And I did hate you. While you were away, it was easy to let those feelings take the forefront. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that you had to have reasons for all of it. Between you coming to me in the park and trying to come clean, to Ben swearing that Angela was right about you, I knew there was more to what was going on. And when I saw Charlie and Jacob Black treating you that way at your apartment that day, I figure the chief isn't as upfront as we all think."

"I have to tell you everything." I study his green eyes, the expression changed from the hard look he's had since I came back to town. They're sparkling again. "We deserve the chance to start over, for me to fix my mistakes and try to help you understand."

"I think I do understand, honestly. I think I've added up all the things I've seen and heard, and come up with the truth. Finally." His thumb strokes absently over my knuckles, and my hand tingles at his touch.

"Sue is involved, and she wants to talk to us as well. I agreed to help her, because it's what's best for the town and for the two of us."

"That's who you've always been Bella; you help those who need it, and give so much of yourself to others. I'm sorry I lost sight of that." Edward's tone is soft, and I feel the familiar yearning shoot through my limbs.

"I wondered for a very long time if we'd ever come to this point, where you'd forgive me and we'd move on. I didn't think it would happen," I confess.

"After we talk with Sue, we'll spend some time alone, just the two of us, okay?" His voice holds all the promise it once did, and I feel giddy.

I nod my head, unable to speak. He's giving me more than I ever thought I'd have again.

* * *

 **Edward's listening, and he's pieced most of it together. Sue and Bella will tell him all about it in chapter 13. I promise.**


	13. Chapter 13

**And now you get (almost) all the answers.**

* * *

"Everything she's done has been to protect you, Edward. From her testimony, to leaving you heartbroken, to coming back and working for Jacob."

I watch Edward's face as Sue starts to explain. It seems there's a tiny bit of awe, and confusion, in his expression as he looks to me. I nod, silently confirming Sue's words. Edward grasps my hand tightly, his warm skin soft on mine. The simple touch brings up so many nostalgic feelings.

"Five years ago, Charlie started looking for a mistress." Sue wrinkles her nose, her thoughts on that matter perfectly clear. "He picked me, but I wouldn't cooperate, and he didn't count on my refusal. Even if I'd been single, I'm nobody's _mistress_ ," she scoffs. "I told him to fuck off, and he flew into a rage, screaming about how I had children to think of, and it was obvious I didn't know who his connections were. I still didn't budge." She pauses for a moment, and I can hear the dripping faucet of the kitchen sink, and a dog barking in the distance.

"Soon after, Leah went to the reservation and didn't come back. She was 18, so there was nothing I could do, though Lord knows I tried. Seth followed her, only he came back to tell me what was going on. That's when I truly learned about who runs the town of Forks." She covers her face briefly with her hands.

"Charlie got more and more hostile with Mom," I pick up the story to give her a reprieve. "He'd been counting on her inheritance, and he was incredibly pissed that he couldn't have it. So he went to Black and offered to go on the payroll."

"Charlie gets a monthly stipend to turn a blind eye to all the crime going on in this town. He covers, he creates alibis, and sometimes he arrests a fall guy." Sue looks pointedly at Edward.

"And Emmett was home from college, inadvertently becoming one of their scapegoats," Edward interjects.

I nod. "Jacob crossed county lines in a stolen car that night, with drugs in the back. When he was pulled over, he alerted Charlie. Charlie arrived before things went too far, and argued jurisdiction with the other cop, with the intention of letting the matter drop once he'd been given the green light. And as soon as the other cop left the scene, he released Jacob. But what Charlie didn't count on was the continued interest of the other officer. He continually contacted Charlie with questions about court dates and the like. The night in question, it was a new moon, so the only thing the other officer remembered was that the guy had dark hair. Charlie came to me… the last night we were together?" I ask Edward, looking to him for confirmation that he knows what I'm referring to. "He choked me." The tears fall unbidden at the memory of how disillusioned I became in that moment.

"Bella-"

"Your family was a safe haven in a rotten storm of lies and violence. I argued with him, I _begged_ him not to make me do it. He wouldn't listen. Money and power have always been more important to Charlie than anything else in the world, including his wife and only child."

"You were so distant that night. I had no idea that it was that horrible," he murmurs.

I palm his cheek, pleased when he leans into my hand. "I needed you," I whisper. "I needed that time with you to get outside of my head and forget what I had to do, what I was about to put you and your family through."

Edward sighs and sits up straighter. "I'm with you until this point, but why did you… what was the reason for breaking up with me?"

"After I testified against Emmett, I finally convinced Mom we needed to get out of this town. Jacob Black came to the house personally and threatened to kill you if I broke my silence, or so much as kept in contact with anyone in Forks. He was in the middle of some trouble in Seattle, but promised me that one day he'd come for me, and I was expected to marry him."

"Do you know why?" Sue asks Edward.

Edward looks me over, as if the answer is obvious.

"Because I would inherit my grandfather's money. My mother had money from _her_ grandparents, so he left it all to me. I wouldn't have inherited until I was 25, but-"

"But your mom's murder made sure you got the money early," Edward finishes for me.

I nod, wiping away more tears.

"Okay, but why did you come back? You have all that money, what made you come here and act as Black's groupie?" he demands, and I can hear the hurt in his voice.

"You," I whisper. "He found me at the hotel I was in after the funeral. He left a note, demanding that I come back, or he would kill all of you." Sue hands me some tissues as I sob. "Carlisle… Esme… Alice… You. Even Emmett." I drop my head in my hands as I cry, and it feels like four years worth of pain and misery are pouring out of me. Edward stands from his chair and kneels in front of me, still holding my hand tightly. He wraps his arms around my shoulders as they shake. "You _can't_ know the sickening feeling of burying your mom, I won't allow it to happen!"

Sue rubs my arm before speaking. "More than once I've been told that my diner would be under protection if I gave a cut to that asshole. But I refuse. My punishment is that I haven't seen Leah in five years, and I put up with a string of 'unsolved' burglaries," she says, using air quotes.

"What does he do?" Edward asks from my side.

"What doesn't he?" she snorts. "Chop shop, money laundering, drugs. Murder for hire. He has operations in Seattle, Olympia, and Aberdeen."

"What the hell do we do?" Edward sounds frustrated now, and I can't blame him. It's incredibly frustrating to deal with such a large criminal operation, especially when law enforcement is working for them.

"I'm not sure why he's biding his time with me. There must be something he expects to gain, because swiping keys can't be it."

"To keep you under his thumb?" Edward muses. He's so close his breath puffs against my cheek.

"What we do, is take him down," Sue informs us. "Seth and I have been working with the FBI for the past few years. We've shut down some of his smaller operations, the ones run by others. The group in Seattle is getting out of control; they're forgetting that even they have rules to follow. Jake has spent too much of his time there fixing their mistakes, and I believe he's on the verge of killing off his underboss there."

"This is too damn much. How does this happen right under our noses, yet no one in town is aware of what is going on? And Charlie? He has everyone snowed, everyone. I don't understand how this has happened, let alone that it's been going on this long. And now you're telling me Jacob is running a mob?"

"Do you see now? Do you see why I didn't want to tell you? Charlie is crooked, God knows who else on the force is, and I didn't know where to turn. I was drowning, and I wanted to keep myself separate to ensure your safety. It wasn't until talking with Sue that I started to realize that I could do something. I _have_ to do something."

"I'm going to give you two a minute," Sue says, getting up and leaving the room.

There's silence for a few seconds as Edward and I look at each other warily. Then, he speaks.

"When I close my eyes, I still see you. No matter how hard I tried to forget you, I couldn't. I tried to force myself to stop loving you, to replace that feeling with hatred. After all, I was justified in that, wasn't I?" He brushes my hair out of my face, and I sigh.

"Where do we go from here? I know I'm an anathema, but I'm not backing down from this now. I'll do whatever it takes to rid this town of it's infestation, no matter who hates me."

"I don't hate you, Bella. I told you I would love you forever, and you still have my heart," he murmurs. His face is so close, and I glance at his mouth as he leans even closer. My heart rate spikes as I breathe him in. He smells so familiar, and his touch is like the happiest memory of my favorite place. When Edward's lips touch mine, my heart feels like it could explode with joy.

It's a sweet kiss, but it's over entirely too soon. "I still love you, too. I never stopped. Please forgive me," I all but beg.

"Of course I forgive you."

Sue returns with some papers in her hand. "This is just some of the documentation we've been able to provide to the FBI agent that Seth and I have been in contact with. I thought we should start talking about where we go from here. We have to make sure to protect you and Mallie, Edward. So, I think we should hash out some ideas, and see if we can set up a meeting with the Agent. Hopefully we can come up with a plan to rid this town of it's scum, and get Emmett and Leah back where they belong."

Edward and I begin looking over Sue's documents, each of us worried, yet hopeful that we can end this nightmare once and for all.

* * *

 **Answers about Mallie come in the next two chapters.**

 **Ex Delicto is nominated for the top ten completed stories for the month of April on twifanfictionrecs. Prisonward needs your votes!**


	14. Chapter 14

**If you missed last week's post, don't forget to read that first!**

* * *

Once we finish reviewing the documents Sue and Seth gathered and we devise a somewhat basic plan of immediate actions to take, everything seems to happen simultaneously.

We decide that Edward and I will have no contact with each other publicly. This includes me refraining from going to the diner during his regular lunch dates with Malone.

Sue checks our phones for bugs, and instructs Edward and I how to perform these checks ourselves, as well as inspecting my apartment daily for any listening devices. Since we can't see each other publicly, we start spending a considerable amount of time talking with each other on our cell phones.

We decided it wouldn't be prudent to report the break-in at my apartment. Since we're unaware of who's loyal to Charlie, we can't trust anyone in the department.

While working at the Dead End, I'll write down information after each of my shifts, noting the make of the vehicle for the keys I've stolen, and as much as I can remember about each customer whose keys I take.

I get a hysterical call from Sue three days after our conversation, telling me that she and Harry were just in a car accident. Harry has a broken nose from hitting the steering wheel, but Sue is fine. The part that has her terrified is that the brakes just went out completely; no matter how hard he pumped them, the car wouldn't stop. Luckily they weren't travelling very fast, or it would've been worse. If they'd had a newer car, the airbags would've prevented Harry's broken nose. All in all, she's shaken up and worried for all of us. I urged her to report the accident to her contact at the FBI, and she agreed.

I can't help but look over my shoulder everywhere I go, despite the fact that I think Jacob is in Seattle. He has plenty of worker bees happy to follow me around and report back to him. I visit Sue and Harry, bringing a potted plant as a get well gift, and she hugs me for a very long time.

"I haven't been able to reach Seth since the accident, so he doesn't know what's going on."

I try to get the image of Harry's bruised face out of my head, but now I'm worried about Seth as well as the rest of us.

Edward and I text each other, discussing the idea of his parents taking Mallie out of the city, between the tension in town and the car accident. He tells me he'll talk to them and get back to me. I happen to be at the diner one night when a note is dropped on my table by a dark haired guy in a leather jacket, who just keeps walking out the door. I jump up and follow him, but he gets on a motorcycle and takes off down the street, the loud noise of the exhaust reverberating between the businesses.

I go back to the table, picking up the piece of wrinkled paper and looking at it. Hands shaking, I drop it, watching with barely focused eyes as it flutters to the floor. Sinking into my seat, I put my head in my hands and try to remember how to breathe in and out. I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder, looking up into the concerned face of Angela.

"Hey, Bella. Are you okay? What happened?"

I bend and retrieve the note, handing it to her without a word. She takes it, but continues to stare at me for a minute. Finally, she looks down.

"Wouldn't it be a shame if Edward's brakes went out like Harry's?" she reads aloud. "What the fuck? What have you gotten yourself into this time, Bella?" she demands in exasperation.

I watch as she sits across from me before answering. My head is throbbing and my throat is parched. I swallow thickly. "I've talked everything out with Edward," I say quietly. "I don't know how they found out, but it looks like someone is pissed off," I murmur.

"Who?" She leans closer. "The ones you won't tell me about?"

I look at Angela, with her porcelain skin and dark, straight hair. Her glasses frame her brown eyes, and she's biting her upper lip.

I sigh, the sound dredged up from the recesses of my soul. "Yeah. I guess he's reminding me of my place, and who he thinks I belong to."

"Well, what are you going to do? Edward has to keep Mallie safe." Her fingers worry the edges of the paper she's still holding.

"We've planned for it, but it needs to be sooner, I guess. His parents are going to take her away for a little while. They've got family in Alaska."

We're leaning toward each other across the formica tabletop as we speak, but we both jump as the door is slammed open so hard the bell crashes to the floor with a cacophony. A frighteningly skinny woman strides in, her blonde hair over-processed and greasy. She has so much jewelry on that she jingles as she walks, a deranged reindeer with no sleigh. Her makeup is overdone and smeared in a few places, the liner smudged under her eyes and her lipstick bleeding at the corners of her lips. She's wearing this ridiculously short, and I mean you could see her panties if she's wearing any, leopard print mini dress with matching platform heels. If I didn't know better, I'd think there's a prostitution ring in Forks. She marches up to the counter and starts yelling, and nobody in a five mile radius could miss what she's saying.

My eyes widen on Angela, because just as she spews her verbal vomit over the counter, I recognize her.

"Where the fuck is my brother-in-law? He's always here, ain't he? You hidin' his ass in the back or what?"

I frantically text Edward as the cashier cowers.

 _Rose is at the diner looking for you!_

His reply is swift.

 _Uncle suffered 'heart attack'. Mom and Dad heading up with M now._

I know this is his cover story, and I sigh in relief. Rose is still shouting, and I finally hear the kitchen door squawk open. Sue looks ready to kick ass and take names as she charges down the aisle between booths. _Dinner and a show, goody._

"Hale, you get your scrawny ass the fuck out of my diner!" Sue bellows. Several patrons hunch over like she's the school marm scolding us all.

Rose turns like she's moving in slow motion and glares in Sue's direction. "It's _Mrs. King,_ and what're you gonna do? Call the _law_?" she snickers.

Sue's hands prop on her hips. "I take care of my own. Now get out, before I yank your cheap extensions out of your head and whip you with them!"

Rose snarls at Sue, and I'm starting to wonder if I should stand up and take a side when Edward comes silently in the door. It's surreal to not hear the bell and its merry chime.

"What do you want, Rosalie?" he demands. He looks every bit the avenging angel, which is so hot by the way, and things are rapidly clicking into place in my brain at this showdown.

"My daughter, you bastard. Where is she?"

" _My_ daughter is out of town with her grandparents. Why are you really here?" I watch a muscle tic in his cheek, and she crosses her arms and taps her foot.

"I want full custody. I can do that, you know, she's mine."

"You _can't_ do that, either. Let me refresh your drug-erased memory for you, Rosalie. You will _never_ get custody due to the fact that you legally revoked any parental claim to my daughter. Now… for the last time, what are you doing here?" Edward moves closer to her, keeping his hands in his pockets. I know I'd be tempted to deck her.

"Look, I just want you to know I filed. Your time is up." She pushes past him, stalking out the open door and disappearing on the dark sidewalk.

Edward looks to me, and I nod as he makes his way to the kitchen. Sue loudly tells everyone the show's over and takes up a position behind the counter like a sentry. I get up slowly and saunter into the kitchen where Edward is waiting for me.

"We need to talk," he starts.

He looks flustered, and I can't blame him. "Malone is Rose's daughter," I state. I slip my hands in my pockets to avoid soothing him as instinct demands.

"She's also Emmett's daughter," he says.

"I figured that out."

"I thought- you didn't think she was mine and Rose's after that display?" he asks anxiously.

I shake my head and finally decide to touch him, running my hands through his thick hair as I lean against his firm chest and tilt my head to look at him. "I still know you better than that. You wouldn't have been with Rosalie Hale four years ago, much less any time recently."

Edward exhales into my hair. "Can I just hold you for a minute? I promise I'll explain, but for just _one minute_ , can I pretend nothing's changed?"

I nod my head in agreement, and his mouth crushes to mine in a heated kiss, stealing my breath. So much more than merely holding me, Edward tangles his hands in my hair as his tongue presses into my mouth. His lips move hurriedly, surely afraid that I'll go up in a puff of smoke and leave him again. I groan in my throat as his hands wander down to cup my ass and press me against the hardness I feel growing in his pants.

The door behind us opens and Sue returns to the kitchen. She laughs when she sees us tangled together.

"You really need to be careful who sees you two," she warns.

Edward has loosened his hold, but he doesn't let go yet. His lips touch mine in a gentle kiss before he steps away completely.

"We need to talk," he repeats.

* * *

 **Some of you guessed, so congratulations! Lol**

 **I'm posting** **my Mobward continuation starting tomorrow! It'll post twice a week.**

 **I'm going to post my Carlisle Uncovered one shot later today too, if you're interested! It won a special category award, Three's Company for hottest threesome.**


	15. Chapter 15

Edward moves us further into the kitchen, towards the stockroom so that we can talk without being seen.

"Emmett really freaked out when Rose told him she was pregnant. He was in holding awaiting sentencing, and she went to the jail to tell him. He insisted she move in with Mom and Dad, promising they'd take care of her and the baby."

I watch him pause, scratching above his ear as he thinks over his next words. I squeeze the hand I hold on my lap, reassuring him. He squeezes back, smiling at me.

"Rose agreed, at first. She was still playing the dutiful wife, very emotional and teary-eyed. Then, Emmett was sentenced to ten years, with eligibility for parole after seven." His hand goes from his hair to scrub over his face, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Rose turned on a dime. She threatened the family that she would terminate the pregnancy if she didn't get a huge payoff. It was such a mess, Bella."

Edward turns those soulful eyes to meet mine, and it's only then I realize I'm crying along with him. "Edward. You must have been going through so much because of me, and then you had this to deal with on top of it all?" Tears drip off my chin.

"It was a tough time, there's absolutely no way to sugarcoat it. Needless to say, Emmett was depressed and looking at jail time, Rose was making a huge scene everywhere she went. Mom and Dad were devastated. Alice cried all the time, and her grades started to slip," he says. The expression on his face makes me think he's remembering it all in his head.

"Poor Alice," I murmur, thinking of his scrawny younger sister and what she must be doing these days. She may be younger than I am, but I always liked her. I hope she's at college, studying hard and making friends.

"Dad and I decided that the best way to deal with Rosalie was to draw up a contract. She'd get paid for medical and living expenses if she agreed to a private adoption, provided she terminate her rights and never ask for more money." Edward looks at me again, swiping at a stray tear with his thumb to my cheek. "She agreed, of course; we knew she was just looking for money, that had been her intent all along with hooking up with Emmett, he just couldn't see it. When the baby was born, she insisted she be named Malone because Rose was under the impression that was a famous female gangster." He cocks his eyebrow at me.

In spite of everything, I laugh at how absurd that sounds. "Instead of a children's twisted version of a mob boss? She named your daughter after Bugsy Malone?"

Edward laughs, too, releasing some of the tension hanging in the air. "She sure did. Most of the time I call her Mallie, but it doesn't matter in the long run." He pauses to take a breath, and I can assume by his facial expression that the next part is difficult for him to talk about. "She was underweight when she was born; Rose was smoking and drinking throughout the pregnancy, which violated the contract she signed. So when we had Mallie safely at my parents' home, Dad dropped the hammer. Told her she wasn't getting the rest of her money, and why. Lord, she put up such a ruckus that security was called on them. Dad said it didn't take much to convince them he hadn't done anything wrong."

"So why would she come back now? Surely she doesn't think you'll give her money?" I ask incredulously.

"That's exactly what she thinks. She moved to Seattle and married Royce King, who apparently works for Jacob Black. I thought originally that Jake owned an auto body shop up there, and that Royce managed it. I'm guessing it's not nearly as non-criminal as I first assumed."

I sigh heavily. "That's the guy that Sue says Jacob is minutes away from killing. He's stealing, and doing a bad job of keeping the underhanded part of the business a secret. He's drawing unwanted attention, and the feds are already on to them. They're taking that one next, and I'm positive the rumblings have Jacob nervous. Seattle is the second biggest of his operations after Forks; it's where he launders all of his illegal money."

"Well, if she's mixed up in that, I hope she ends up in jail. Sooner rather than later." Edward looks off toward the kitchen staff. "Mom and Dad are on their way to Alaska," he says, looking back at me. "Dad's brother and his family live in Denali, and they've created the cover story that Uncle Eleazar had a heart attack, and they're going to visit for awhile."

I sigh again, feeling like I'm doing that more and more. "It's for the best, especially considering the note that was dropped off earlier. I'm sure you miss her, though."

"She's mine, you know? I'm not even sure when it happened, just that we all pitched in when she was so tiny. She had colic, and I'd sing to her as I paced her nursery with her swaddled in my arms. We bonded, and Mom suggested that when we filed the permanent paperwork, we should write my name as guardian instead of her and Dad."

"I'm looking forward to the day when this has calmed down and I can meet her officially," I say shyly.

Edward surprises me when a tear rolls down his face. "I would like that. She saved me, helped me get over you leaving, you know? I had to focus on her and what she needed, and I had to navigate being a single dad. That girl has me wrapped around her little finger. I'm her father. I just worry that Emmett will get out of jail and want her, and I wouldn't be able to deny him."

"Oh, honey," I pull on his shoulders until I'm wrapped around him, soothing the only way I know how. He hugs me back, breaking down and crying against my neck. "Emmett wouldn't do that to you, would he? He can be involved, be her uncle, but he must know that she's happy and well adjusted living with you. You're the only father she's ever known. I don't think it would be good for her if he were to swoop in and claim her. He needs to think about what's best for her." Edward looks up as there's a loud clatter in the other corner of the kitchen. We watch for a moment as the busboy cleans up the tray full of dishes he dropped.

"You might be right, but it's a fear I've held onto for years." His voice cracks and he wipes his face.

"All we can do for now is focus on keeping her safe and taking down this town's crime family. And keep watching your back, I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you." I grip his hand, smiling at him.

"Everything will work out, I'm sure of it. We have to stay away from each other in public to be positive they don't suspect us any further."

I nod. We've discussed it, but it it's hard not to repeat the warning. "We'll keep safe, both of us. I had a notebook full of information that I gave over to Sue when I got here. She'll hand it over to her contact first thing tomorrow morning. By next week, I would expect arrests to be made. Then maybe we'll be free to do as we please."

He flashes me his brilliant, crooked smile. "I would like that. And not simply because it would be nice to not have to feel the weight of the sword on the back of my neck."

* * *

 **What is that saying, the calm before the storm? If these two have ever had calm, this was it.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Do you trust me?**

* * *

I don't see Rose again, not that I really expect to. If she's not getting her payout, there's no reason for her to stick around Forks. I don't see Edward, either, for that matter, but that's exactly the plan we agreed to. I know I have a shadow sent by Black, or maybe even Charlie, which means I have to be especially careful with every move I make. My 'journaling' happens at home, and I don't use my phone at work or in the diner, either. When I eat, I don't linger too long with Sue, though I can tell she and I are building a strong relationship that will last long after this mess is over. She's sent in my information by email every few days, too afraid to mail it and not having the time to drive to Seattle to see the FBI agents personally.

Alice texts me out of the blue, telling me that she had a conversation with Edward about me and wants to rebuild our relationship. We've spoken in some form every day since then, where she fills me in on her life living in the dorms at the University of Washington. She and Rose's brother Jasper have been dating for a couple of years, and she told me that he's getting more and more worried about his sister's drug use. Unfortunately, I don't have any comforting words for him, especially since I think his brother-in-law isn't long for this world.

The senior Cullens send pictures of Mallie to Edward constantly, and she is really loving her time in Alaska. It's beautiful this time of year, and they're always doing something fun like hiking or boating. Everybody dotes on her, and she's absolutely adorable, enjoying her time with the extended family in the pictures Edward forwards to me. I delete each of them after looking at them, the same as our text conversations. I don't think it's paranoid to be extra careful with everything I do. When I consider the fact that I haven't had any contact with Black in months, it sometimes feels a bit excessive.

I'm so used to keeping my head down that I don't even see it coming, of course. I've attuned myself so much to being followed that I stopped worrying about who it was a long time ago. As focused as I am on not letting anyone see what I'm up to, I've become blind to my surroundings. Getting yanked right off the street in broad daylight, hands bound in tape while I scream, is another testament to the mob running the town. No one would dare to stop Jake, and it suddenly dawns on me that more people know about him than I assumed. If not one person would attempt to help me or even pick up their cell phone to call for help, then they've known. All along, these people have known. I assumed I was mostly alone in my misery.

It's stupid to assume.

I assumed Jake was in Seattle.

I was wrong about it all.

As he throws me forcefully into the back of a black panel van, the sudden onslaught of hysteria makes me crazy.

I laugh. I sound like a lunatic, and I can't breathe, but still I laugh.

Jake slaps me, and I laugh harder. I can taste the salt and iron of my own blood in my mouth, and it makes me howl in laughter. I think I've finally lost my sanity.

"Shut the fuck up, Swan!" he growls at me. The look on his face is terror-inducing, and I am terrified. So much so that I can't gain control of myself.

The tears are streaming down my face, and I can't decide if they're from laughing so hard, or from the true fear of what he has planned for me. It won't be pleasant, of that I'm positive.

"You think you're so fucking slick, meeting up with Cullen in the kitchen of the diner. Don't you know I have eyes everywhere?" he bellows in my face. The van careens around a corner, and I fall into Jake. The back of the van is completely bare, and as he shoves me off him I land on the metal flooring, hitting my head.

"I don't know what you mean. It was just the once, because your guy's skank, Rosalie, came in making a scene." I'm positive he doesn't care, as I look up at him from where I lay bleeding.

"He's not my guy anymore. He's the coroner's problem now," he says offhandedly.

I shiver at the casual way he speaks about death. Murder. "And me? Am I to be the coroner's problem now, too?"

He flashes a wolfish grin, flipping his hair out of his face. "You're to be my wife. If you're smart, you'll do everything you're told and I won't become a widower on my wedding day."

I press my lips hard together to contain the scream that threatens to overwhelm me. It would send me straight to hell if I let it escape. Jacob would see to that, I have no doubt.

We come to a stop, and as I struggle to sit up I see that we're on the reservation lands. It used to be a safe place, and I used to play here with the Quileute children on First Beach. Now it looks like a slum, with paint peeling and wood rotting. Porches are falling down. Yards are overgrown, rusted vehicles scattered like lawn ornaments. The men are glassy eyed and disheveled, obviously using their own products, and I don't see any women or children. That's definitely for the best.

I'm pushed and shoved, so I hurry to get out. Jacob grabs my upper arm and drags me into the nearest building, which I quickly realize is a church. Panicking, my lungs labor to fulfill their duty, and the room spins as I hyperventilate. Without mercy, Black yanks me upright and walks me to the preacher standing at the altar. I clamp down on the pain and terror to remain standing tall.

"Why, Jacob, you didn't even give me a ring. What's a girl to think?" My words slur a little as I struggle to breathe normally. I can do this. I can beat this fucker at his own game.

"Just say the words, and cut the crap!" he grits out. The wizened preacher starts to speak, stuttering through a pronouncement of a wedding under the eyes of God. The groom is wearing torn jeans and scuffed boots, and the bride is in shorts and a t-shirt, her hands still taped behind her back, no God to be found. The only reason I'm not gagged is so I'm able to repeat the words required for Jacob to get his hands on my money.

Knowing I have no choice, I stand in a run-down chapel somewhere on the Quileute reservation next to my mother's murderer and repeat wedding vows after the poor old minister whose life is probably forfeit. I think only of Edward as I say the words; focusing on how one day he and I will say them and we'll mean them with every fiber of our beings. One day, I'll be Edward's wife and Mallie's mother, and we'll live in the kingdom where nobody dies. I have to stay alive, and if that means playing the game as the Queen instead of the pawn…

So be it.

* * *

 **You're going to hate ( _HATE_ ) me for a few chapters, but just remember my notes at the beginning.**


	17. Chapter 17

**You really should trust me, but if you're uncomfortable with cliffies, it's not safe to go back in the water until I post chapter 20.**

* * *

There are armed men everywhere I look. Two outside the door of Jacob's home, more inside seated around a rectangular table in the kitchen. Their weapons are large and conspicuous, thrown over their backs on long straps. I have no idea how many there are in total, but my odds of escape have diminished greatly.

My hands are finally cut free as we head to the table that's covered in food.

"Eat. You have a long night ahead of you," Jake snickers.

Feeling disgusted, I sit in an empty chair and rest my folded hands on top of the table. It's lacquered, scratched and sticky. There are piles of white sandwich bread on a plate and bowls of rice and red beans. I grab a piece of bread and roll it between my palms the way I did as a child, smoothing and stretching it. It gives me a false sense of calm to have control over this one small thing, shaping it how I please.

It's loud around me, everyone talking and laughing, eating without manners. They all smell, like alcohol and sweat and stale cigarette smoke. They're mostly Quileute; the tallest men I've ever known, with black hair in varying lengths and tanned skin. A few are pale faces, with stringy hair and eyes glazed over. A bowl is dropped onto the table in front of me, the thunk startling me and rice flying over the side to land in my lap.

There's rushing water in my ears, giving the chatter a hushed sound. I blink, but no tears fall. My eyes are dry for once, too dry, and I blink more rapidly. I pick up my spoon, dropping the doughy ball of bread on the wood, and shovel in rice only to choke on it. I can feel the hysteria bubbling again, but I can't allow it. I can't seem to eat, so I sit silently next to my captor.

My husband.

I'm completely unsure of the legality of my marriage, but I know Black well enough to know that he's made the paperwork look legitimate. Enough for a bank to agree to add him to my accounts, at any rate. I just wish that money was all he was after with me, especially once he realizes he still can't get into the trust.

"You're not eating," Jake spits, gripping a handful of my hair behind the ear.

The pain is there, but it dulls beneath the rest. My resolve is firm; if only I could get my stomach to catch up. "I'll do better," I reply, and the pain disappears as he lets go of my hair. My scalp tingles as a reminder, and I force more food into my mouth.

My eyes roam the group seated around me; all of them are drinking, some stoned. As long as Jacob sleeps… _after_ , then I should have the chance to run.

I'll try to pretend it's not fifteen miles to the nearest subdivision, and that I don't have to endure hell before I can escape.

Idly, I contemplate how hideous he's likely to be toward me. There are no knives at the table, or I would gladly pocket one to use later. As I spoon more tasteless food into my mouth, I see Seth come into the room.

He doesn't make eye contact or otherwise acknowledge that I'm sitting there, instead bending to Jake's ear. When Seth straightens again, he takes a seat on the bench at the opposite end of the table.

Jacob turns to me. "They're looking _everywhere_ for you," he drawls, the evil amusement clear on his face. "I hope your lover tries to come onto our lands, he would deserve whatever my soldiers did to him."

"He's not my lover," I insist, which is technically true. I swallow the lump of rice down a dry throat. "You are."

Jacob's eyebrows practically disappear into his hairline. "Is that so?" He runs his fingertip down my arm, and I hide my revulsion with the shiver I can't suppress, hoping it makes it look like I'm interested in him.

"What can I say? You're powerful, like Charlie said. You're not ugly, and you're rich." I shrug casually. "And now we're married."

The grin that spreads over the entirety of his face makes me think he believes me. Out of my periphery, I see Seth's head dip so that he's practically drowning himself in his bowl. I don't know what he thinks. I can only pray that Edward will forgive me when he finds out what I did.

"But first, we drink!"

I breathe out a shaky sigh. He's buying it so far, I just need these men to all be really hammered first. Bottles of vodka are passed around, and I nurse the beer that's been in front of me for awhile now.

It's tedious as hell to spend hours pretending you don't want to gut the guy sitting next to you like a fish. If I had the chance to be a widow on my wedding day, the way he warned me not to do to him, I would split him open and not regret it.

When the men are sloppy and snoring on their chests, Jacob stumbles to his feet and holds a hand out to me. I take it without hesitation and stand next to him, plastic pieces on a chessboard, and we walk down the hallway that leads to what looks like a handful of bedrooms. When he ushers me inside one, closing and locking the door, I take in my surroundings. Closet, bathroom, window over bed. I can't see very far into the bathroom, but I hope there's a sizable window in there.

I turn as Jake sits on the bed, his eyes half open and his movements slow. He removes his jacket, dropping it on the floor. I look at the walls, the peeling wallpaper that might have once been red but is now a faded version of puce. The bed is messy, with sheets tangled everywhere. It smells like it needs a good scrubbing, the bedding needs to be bleached, and a bomb set off to take care of the rest.

The sound of a boot clunking to the floor gets my attention. Jacob stands and walks to me, and my instinct is to back up before I force myself to stop. When he reaches me, his hands go to my waist first, and I stand very still. He leans in, smelling my hair, his thumbs moving up my sides. I hope he's done quickly, that he passes out and I can leave. I don't know how far I can go with this, how much I can pretend. When he kisses my neck, the tears stream from the corners of my eyes.

I bite my lip, hard, to avoid letting the revulsion leak out. His lips are clammy, moving behind my ear and trailing back to my shoulder. He moves my shirt to the side, and that's when he wavers. He can't keep himself upright for much longer, thank God. If only he would hurry that up and just go ahead and collapse.

Putting my hand in the center of his chest, I push gently at first, then with increasing pressure as I realize that he doesn't notice I'm trying to knock him over. I turn my head away from him, and that's when I see it. The ugliest trophy ever, it appears to be a metal figure with a huge head, carrying a football. Reaching slowly, pushing on his chest and grappling for the trophy, crying harder now, I think I might lose my composure before I make any real progress.

Finally, my fingers close around the trophy, and slowly, so slowly, I bring my arm above my head. Just as I think I'm going to bludgeon this bastard, he seems to gain control of his senses. He raises his head and looks at my face, and he must see the tears. He frowns, the alcohol slowing him down, but soon he sneers at me.

"I fucking _knew_ it."

"How does it feel to lose at your own game?" I ask him.

Before he can say or do anything else, I slam the huge head of the metal trophy down. His face is smashed, the blood pouring from the hole in his head, and I back away as he lurches for me. Running is all I have left, and so I do.

I run like hell.

* * *

 **You should really know by now I could never write her actually being with Jake. The next two chapters are really rough, so I'm warning you now, don't read them at work or in a room full of people, and you'll want Kleenex handy.**

 **Winter is coming.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Take a deep breath.**

* * *

I stumble as I make it into the bathroom, but I manage to close and lock the door behind me, watching a bleeding Jake struggling to get off the floor as I slam closed the only protection I have. I sprint across the cluttered space to the window, unlocking it and pushing up as hard as I can with arms made of limp noodles. The window casing is rusty, so it screeches as I inch it open. As soon as I think I have it open far enough to get out, I start shimmying my way through. It's a tight squeeze, but I'm damn determined.

It's a moonless night, no stars to be seen, and there's only one light at the top of a pole far into the distance. I drag my fingertips over the splintered wood as I feel my way down the side of the house, stopping at the corner. I don't hear anybody, so I slowly shuffle my way through the front yard, my ears on alert for foot soldiers. I desperately wish I had learned how to hotwire a car, or that I'd thought to look for someone's keys, instead of having nothing. But I've always had nothing, and it won't stop me now.

Just as I start across the grass in what I hope is the direction leading the fuck away from here, I feel a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I spin, scared to death I'll see the bloody corpse of Jake looming in front of me.

"Seth!" I nearly scream in relief, but then I remember we're trying to escape and need to be quiet.

"Jesus, Bella, you're covered in blood! What did he do to you?" he gasps, patting me all over in reassurance that I'm whole.

"It's what _I_ did to _him_ , Seth. This isn't my blood. Are you rescuing me, I hope?" If not, I don't think I have any fight left in me.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. My car is over there." He points in the general direction of pitch black, so I simply nod and walk with him. The safety of being in the car with the doors locked makes everything come crashing down. My breath is sharp and shallow, paining me with each inhale and exhale.

"I hurt him, Seth," I whimper into the darkened interior of his car. "I hurt him badly. I'm pretty damn sure I killed his ass."

"Good," he says emphatically. "I tried to get to you sooner, but the last fucker wouldn't pass out."

Seth speeds down the road that takes us off of the reservation and onto the 101, and the adrenaline from my ordeal has my body shaking and jerking. My jaw is clamped together so hard my teeth hurt, but I can't seem to release it. My legs are pulled up onto the seat, and I wrap my arms around them like a lifeline. All of my muscles are on lockdown.

"Bella…" I can tell from his tone that something is wrong. I turn my head as it rests on my knees to face Seth, hating the sudden dread in his voice, expecting to see headlights gaining on us in the side mirror. Instead, I see a huge fire in the distance. Whatever it was, it's completely engulfed. I'm not sure exactly what has Seth so worried; it's far enough away that it shouldn't affect us.

"Bella!" Seth shouts this time.

"What?" I respond in a panic. What the hell has him so flustered?

" _Fuck_. Bella, that's- that's Edward's place." At his words, I glance back out the window one more time before everything goes dark.

Seth shakes my shoulder, and I jolt upright, realizing I passed out. We're at the burning house now, surrounded by fire engines, and I bolt out of the car without thinking about the consequences. I don't get very far; there are too many men there, working, watching, protecting idiots like me.

"Ma'am, you can't go over there!" the firefighter says in a tone of voice that makes it clear how obvious that should be. God, it's so hot even at this distance. I feel my breath hitch, the greasy rise of simmering hysteria.

" _Edward_!" I scream, flailing at the arms surrounding me. I scream, and scream some more, watching in horror as the roof collapses. There's no way anybody in that building would have survived. "Please, was there anybody inside? Please tell me you got him out! _Please_! _Edward_!"

"Fire was too far gone by the time we got here. All we can do is keep it from spreading to the trees." He almost sounds bored; this is the usual for him. He has no idea that my world just ended.

He doesn't have to hold me back anymore, because my legs give out from under me. Seth grabs me up, pulling me from the dirt. "Just take me back to Jake's, already. Nothing he can do to me now is worse than what he did here." There's no life in my voice whatsoever. That would take energy that I just don't have, now that I've lost all of my fight along with everything else that ever mattered in my life.

"Bella-" Seth tries.

"Save it Seth, nothing you could possibly say would ever provide me with any comfort now." There's a lifetime of weariness in my voice, now, _centuries_ of it.

"Okay, but let me take you to Mom's. She'll know what to do."

"There's not a fucking thing left to be done, Seth! We were too late. We were stupid to think we could play Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys and find the culprit before the story ended. We _failed_ , Seth. And now Edward's dead because of it!" My words end on a sob, and my legs give out again as I think of the hideous burning, the fire consuming anything in it's path. What were my last words to him? I can't even remember.

Seth drags me to his car and tucks me back inside. I think he's afraid I'll bolt and throw myself into the burning building, but I've got no fight left, nothing inside. Nothing. It's a void, a black, soundless void.

When we get to her house, Sue says things as she helps Seth get me out of the car, but I can't hear them. There's nothing that would help, nothing to fix this. She pushes me into a running shower, but I just stand there while the water rolls over me. I can't think of anything. I can't allow myself to feel. I wrap the void around my shoulders like a cloak, because without it, there is pain.

I can't endure anymore pain.

There's an agent here now, coming in the house and asking questions. He has a badge, and a notebook. I think of Inspector Gadget, and I laugh. It must not have been an appropriate time, because I receive strange looks from the others. They want me to talk about what happened yesterday, while I was gone. I simply tell them I married Jake and then killed him. At least I hope I did. They want me to know it will all be okay. Stupid, useless platitudes again.

The thing is, there is no such thing as the kingdom where nobody dies. You have your memories, and the moments in which you make them. You have a legacy made up of friends and family, and in them you can live on. But there's no forever, there's no eternity. There's only now. And then there's misery when that moment is over. Death is worse for the living than it is for the dead.

In my head, there are soft shapes and sounds. I watch the memories of us play out in front of me, when we were young and innocent, and thought that the world was ours for the taking, because we had each other. We were right, honestly. We had it all back then, and we knew it. That's what I miss… what was, and what will never be.

But even the darkest hour only has sixty minutes, and I have to keep moving against my will. I don't have a job anymore, which is fine by me. I'm told that they've all been arrested, every last one of them. Paul, Rose, even Charlie. Jake killed Royce days ago, but I killed Jake.

I have that to hold onto, the fact that I killed the son of a bitch that ruined so many lives for so many years. I struggle to feel peace, but there's no peace to be found.

The fire marshal brings his report to Sue's house, where I've been existing for three days. He says they found the cause of the fire, there was an accelerant used, and the fire burned so hot they don't expect to find anything but ashes. Everything that I would expect to hear. I don't think he appreciates me calling him a useless sack of shit before I storm out of the kitchen, but there you have it.

After seven interminable days have passed, Esme and Carlisle return from Alaska, and come to Sue's house with Mallie. I think they want to find closure, but there's not really any to be had. I was kidnapped and forced to marry Jake, but I killed him before he could rape me. He had his men set Edward's house on fire simply because he tried looking for me. There are no answers to be found in a violent death, I learned that from my mother's murder. Only more questions. So many questions.

I don't have the answers, and I don't know anybody that does. What is there after death, but sorrow? There's life, because the living have to keep going forward. No matter how much they wish they had died, too.

* * *

 **This hurts me as much as it hurts you, and it wasn't planned.**


	19. Chapter 19

**You know I love you, right?**

* * *

"Bella!" Someone is tapping my shoulder, and I groan at the sunlight streaming through the window and piercing my eyes. My goal is to sleep, because I can't feel while I'm asleep. The doctor I saw after what they're calling 'my ordeal' agreed with me and gave me sleeping pills. Though I'm sure they were meant for nighttime, they numb me from the outside world, and I can hide in my void. I don't feel sad. I don't feel anything.

"What the fuck, Seth?" I mumble. He knows I don't like being disturbed.

"We have an appointment at the funeral home. Mom asked me to come and get you, because she's still getting dressed."

I sit up and look at him, and the pain lances through my chest again. _I have a memorial to plan_.

"Jesus, you look like a zombie," he observes.

I lay back down and roll away from him. "Not funny," I mumble.

"Sorry. The Cullens will be here any minute, and no offense, but you need a shower."

I don't move, but I can't contain the sob that erupts. I don't want to get up and get a shower. I don't want to face the entire Cullen clan, including Emmett. Yeah, my dad sang like a bird when he was arrested in hopes of a deal. Emmett was released from jail, I think yesterday or maybe the day before. He's been getting to know Mallie.

Looks like he gets to be her dad after all.

 _I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this!_

I hear the door open and close, and I hope that they'll just leave me alone. I want nothing more than to go back to sleep and forget. The bed sinks near my head and I open one eye halfway.

Sighing, I open them fully and sit up. "Alice."

"Bella." Her hair isn't as long as I remember it. It's in a cute shoulder length cut, which suits her face. She looks grown up, of course, from the baby sister I'm used to picturing her as. Her eyes and nose are red and puffy, and her big blue eyes tear up as she leans over and hugs me.

"I'm not exactly up for company," I tell her. My voice is hoarse, sounding ancient to my ears.

"I know. I wanted to help you get dressed." The tears that were building up spill over. "It's so hard," she wails, but I don't have it in me to comfort her. I should, I know. She lost her brother, whereas I lost the guy that I loved but wasn't in a relationship with. He wasn't even my boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, Alice." It sounds false, the words falling flat onto the bedspread between us.

She wipes her hand across her face and sniffs. "You know, he would want you to be happy. He would want you in our lives; in Mallie's and Emmett's and mine. He would want your heart to go on, to love someone else."

"This isn't a hollywood movie, and I'm not going to go out there and meet Mr. Second Choice." I don't particularly care how mean or bitter I sound.

"Well. I'll leave you alone, just please get ready to come with us. It's important that we have your opinion on the arrangements."

I sigh heavily, scrubbing my eyes roughly. She gets up and leaves the room, smiling softly as she closes the door behind herself. I finally get up, take a quick shower and pull my hair into a ponytail. I throw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, topping it with a sweatshirt. I'm constantly cold, no matter how many layers I apply.

I head out to the kitchen once I've put my shoes on. They're all here. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, Emmett holding Malone, Alice and Jasper. Sue, Harry, Seth. Leah is in jail, but the latest I heard is that she may be released if she spills the remaining information they need to take out the rest of the Port Angeles gang. The older adults are at the table drinking coffee, while the others play around with Mallie.

All conversation comes to a stop when they spot me, standing awkwardly off to the side. Malone is the only one to pipe up. "Bella!"

So, I've spent time with her in the past few days, Edward's little girl. She and I have this… bond. It's as if she's known me all along, and she and I understand each other on a deeper level. It just makes everything harder, to think that I could've been her stepmom. Instead I'm just Bella, although her pronunciation makes it sound more like there's a _w_ or two in my name.

"Hey, little M." She giggles at me, but all I can offer her is a wan smile in return.

It takes several cars to get us out of there; Sue is only coming to support me. Harry and Seth are staying behind to cook for everyone. Jasper is there to support Alice, and doesn't really provide any input. I can't seem to say anything other than _fine_ when I'm asked what I think. It's an endless parade of flowers, songs, and prayers. Every word and color and _second_ of the memorial has to be picked out and planned out, until I want to run as fast and as far as I can. There's no coffin, because there's nothing to put in it. There's just… _nothing_.

"I need some air," I blurt as I scrape my chair back, the sound as harsh as my breathing. I stumble half blind out the front door of the funeral parlor, stopping outside with my hands on my knees as I drag air into my constricted lungs. I feel a hand on my back, but I can't look up. I can't see for the tears blinding me anyway.

"He loved you, Bella." The voice is deep, warmer than I deserve it to be.

"He loved you more, Emmett." My voice must be permanently hoarse.

"Nah. He loved me like a brother, but I firmly believe romantic love is different. It's stronger. And the two of you had a crazy-strong bond. Even through the years that he wanted to hate you, I could tell he didn't."

I straighten and look him in the eyes, having to crane my neck to do it. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry I put you in jail, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to defy Charlie and Jake. I'm sorry that I tried to get you released and only made it worse." The tears burst free again, my heart so heavy it clenches in my chest. "I'm so, so sorry I got your brother killed."

I walk back inside to avoid his reassurances. The rest of our time here is a blur, and so is the remainder of the evening. I go to bed without eating, curling up in the bed fully dressed under three quilts, just trying to find some warmth. But I know my warmth is gone, and I will always feel cold. I spend the next day in bed, refusing to speak to anyone that comes in. The service is tomorrow, and I can't stand being around their platitudes and words of comfort. I know I'm taking this harder than they are, but I can't help myself. We had a whole future in front of us, and now we never will. They each still have a future, albeit without Edward, but he took my future with him when he died.

I get up early the next morning with no prompting, pulling on a black dress and a black sweater. I go into Sue's kitchen and pour a bowl of cereal, sitting alone at the kitchen table. I don't hear anyone else, but it's possible they're in their rooms getting ready. I eat without tasting it, washing and drying my bowl when I'm finished. I sit on the couch, my hands twisting in my lap and my eyes unfocused. I try hard to empty my brain, not thinking of what's to come or what was. I try to think of white clouds and blue sky, and nothing more significant than that.

Now I hear the others; they move around me as they get ready, possibly speaking to me. I hear the doorbell ring, and people arriving. Someone sits next to me, but I don't move or otherwise acknowledge them. I hear Sue say it's time to go, but I stand and walk up to Emmett, asking if I can ride with them. There's something about Emmett and Jasper's quiet strength that I need to draw from today. He agrees immediately, and I climb into the backseat, staring out the window the entire drive.

The funeral home is another blur, with swirling colors and garbled noises. We make our way to the front and take our seats; Sue and Harry, Esme with Mallie and Carlisle in the front row, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett in the second row with me. I've refused to visit with anyone, but Angela and Ben came because the Cullens called them and told them about the service. The only time I put my foot down was when the Cullens wanted to invite everybody in town. They were allowed to invite their bank employees, since they'd closed it for the day, and the agents from the Seattle office. It's pretty empty, but I'll be damned if the same people that watched Jacob take me off the street attend Edward's funeral.

It hits me so suddenly that I'm not prepared for it, and it's a good thing I'm already seated. My void, my empty comfort zone, has collapsed, and the pain crashes over me. I clutch my stomach, doubling over with the blow, and the most inhuman wail forces its way out from the depths of my guts. Wave after wave hits me, and I cry out loudly as the tears course down my face.

Emmett turns to me, enveloping me in his large embrace. There's a modicum of safety there, but I've still come to the complete and utter realization that Edward is not coming back to me. I'll never look at Edward's face again, or hear his husky voice speak my name. I'll never get the chance to share in his dreams. There are no dreams left for me. No hope. No love.

* * *

 **I'll see you Monday with more.**


	20. Chapter 20

**You're finally getting answers in the form of EPOV.**

* * *

I sense it as someone slides into the seat next to me, but I don't release the hold I have on Emmett's bicep. Then, I hear them speak close to my ear.

"Who died?"

I lift my head slowly from Emmett's shoulder, because I would know that voice anywhere. Emmett is looking down at me as I look at the person next to me, and everyone in the front row is starting to turn around.

" _Edward_!" I scream so loudly I think I'll burst my own eardrums. Without thought I tackle him, throwing my arms around him and plastering his face with kisses. He wraps his arms around me, but something is clearly wrong. His head lolls to the side and his body goes limp, and I just barely stop him from falling to the floor.

Everybody jumps up, and several pairs of hands help me support Edward as Carlisle tries to wake him up. He comes to briefly, and I know my tears must be dripping off my face and onto him.

Someone calls an ambulance, and Edward is rushed to the hospital to be treated for the burns the paramedics find on his back. I don't know where he's been or how he got out alive, but I'm going to count my blessings and wait for him to explain.

He's out for hours. The hospital staff kick me out more than once while they treat him, debriding his burns again and recovering everything with heavy dressings. It's obvious he's been treated somewhere, but I don't have the chance to ask him where. The nurses in the burn unit inform me that in a few days they'll do a skin graft, which will resemble a thatched grey material. I'm thankful he's passed out; other patients on the floor are screaming in pain.

When he does wake, he looks much healthier in the face and eyes. His color is back and his expression isn't as glassy. I'm not sure if I want to interrogate him just yet, but his dad beats me to it.

"Edward, son. What the hell happened?"

Edward looks to me. "Let me tell you everything."

 **EPOV**

I've been on the phone with the FBI almost non-stop since I heard Bella was taken. Their operations plan was approved, and the takedown of Black's compound at the reservation was waiting on the response from the Sheriff's SWAT team to join them. I headed home from the office with barely a word to anyone as soon as Sue called me with the news, and I almost drove to the reservation myself. I want my chance to knock Black's head against the wall until he is no longer a problem to anyone.

I stand up and stretch, feeling sick that Bella is most likely being held prisoner there. But what if he took her to one of his other 'business' locations so that the feds would have a harder time finding them? She could be in Port Angeles, or Seattle, or fucking Aberdeen. Not knowing the answers to all the questions is driving me insane.

Seth sent me a text that he was heading over to the reservation to spy for me, but warned me that he wouldn't be able to get back to me while he was there. He couldn't be caught talking to me, and now I'm going stir crazy.

As I make my way into the kitchen, I smell something off, like someone lit a cigarette in the house, moments before the smoke alarm at the front of the house starts going off shrilly. It's so loud I cover my ears, dropping to the floor and crawling my way to the back door. All I can think of is making it to the car so I can get away from here. I feel in my pocket for my keys, satisfied that's where I left them earlier in the day.

I push open the door in time to feel a huge explosion at my back. Everything is suddenly so hot I can't withstand it, pain searing across my back and legs. My crawling turns into a lunge, and as I hit the grass I roll, moving as far away from the house as I can. I make it to the cover of the trees before seeing some asshole come around the side of the house flicking a lighter on and off.

With only a handful of seconds before he sees me, I stumble to my feet and start forcing my way through the thick underbrush toward the road. I catch sight of the idiots that apparently torched my house as they pile into a pickup and tear away from my property. Once they're out of sight, I stagger into the road to try to flag down a motorist willing to help. I hear sirens in the distance and know that somebody has called emergency services.

All I can focus on is the pain, and my consciousness wanes as I see headlights. I wave in their general direction, hoping to stay awake long enough to get help.

"Sir! Can I help you?" the driver rolls down their window and shouts at me.

I merely nod, shuffling to the passenger side and climbing in.

"Where can I take you?" she asks, a woman with a kind looking face with deep set wrinkles and curly grey hair.

"Bella. Port Angeles," I gasp.

I don't remember anything after that, but I wake up feeling groggy and over heated, my skin sticky and bandaged where it was burnt. As I look around the room, it becomes obvious that someone has brought me to a hospital, but I have no idea which one. I have to go, to find Bella and tell her that everything is okay. I feel a little delirious, but I don't have time to worry about it. I stand, wavering on sore and weak legs, and search for my clothes. I find them on the chair in the corner, and struggle to pull my pants on. The pain is more intense now, and as I tug on the IV line, I see the bag with the morphine drip. Walking over to it, I realize it's on a lock system and that I won't get any extra. I sit down for a minute on the edge of the bed, catching my breath and watching the liquid drip excruciatingly slow.

I don't have time for this. I need to find Bella, to make sure the FBI have gotten her away from Black and his men, and if not, I'm doing it my fucking self. They've crossed the line with torching my house. My daughter could have been in there with me; it's a damn good thing I sent her off with my parents when I did. Something else I can credit to Bella. I rip out my IV, giving up any relief for the pain I'm sure will only intensify.

Getting dressed has never been so hard in my life. My back feels like it was scrubbed completely raw, and the backs of my legs practically scream at me every time I move and my pants brush against them. I slip into my shoes, too overwhelmed with pain to lean over and tie them. This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done, but I have to get to Bella. I need to know that she's safe and that Black has been put down. That's all I can focus on right now.

I open the door, glancing up and down the hallway. It's quiet, just a nurse at the desk a few feet away, bent over the computer. I walk quickly away from my room, my head down and my hands in my pockets. I fish out my money clip when I hit the elevator, grateful I left it in my back pocket earlier in the day, especially since I have no idea where my wallet is. When I reach the lobby, I head straight for the doors, ignoring the security guard asking if I need assistance. I wonder what I must look like, or if he realizes I've escaped without a doctor's advice.

I find a line of cabs further down the curb behind the valet, and I rush over to the first one. When I open the door and the driver asks where I want to go, I suddenly realize I'm not even sure where I am.

"Forks, please."

"You have any idea how much that's gonna cost ya?" he replies with a raised eyebrow.

I merely hold out a wad of cash, hoping it'll be enough to satisfy him, sighing in relief when he starts the meter. I tuck the stupid thing back in my shirt pocket because I don't have the energy to force it back into my pants pocket. It's bad enough that I'm sitting sideways on the bench seat to avoid any contact with my back and legs. The last thing I see before drifting to sleep is the name, Olympic Memorial Hospital.

I jerk awake to the sound of the driver rapping his knuckles against the plastic divider. "Hey, guy, what address in Forks?"

Groggily, I rattle off Bella's address in hopes that she's back home. If not, I'll figure something else out. I ask the cabbie to wait as I ascend the stairs, feeling like every step is taking me closer to hell. I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to keep moving much longer, but that cab does not resemble an ambulance.

Using the key I copied a few weeks ago, I go inside and take a look around. It doesn't appear that she's been here. The rooms have an uncomfortably stale feeling to them. I look in her bedroom, and her closet looks suspiciously empty. I check her mail, but there's nothing there. Feeling drained and out of options, I head back down to the cab. I ask him to take me to the bank, hoping someone there can help me or that I can at least call my dad from there.

When the car pulls to a stop in front of the bank, I notice that the closed sign is flipped on the door. There's a note taped to it, so I murmur to the driver to please wait one more time as I get out to read it.

 _Closed for funeral_

 _Thank you for_

 _understanding_

I ponder that for a minute, my muddled brain trying to decide who they'd close the whole business for if Mom and Dad are out of town. There are three funeral homes in Forks, so I guess I'm giving the poor cab driver a tour of my hometown.

When there's two down and one to go, I finally find the one that has a service time listed on the sign out front. Given the time on the dashboard, it's about to start any moment. Dismissing the man, most likely to his utter relief, I stumble my way into the overly perfumed and stuffy building. I hear wailing from one of the rooms, and I'm stunned to realize that it sounds like Bella. I know I only have moments to spare before the pain takes me under again, but I have to get to her. I have to see that she's safe, and offer what comfort I can for whatever has her so distraught.

As I head down the aisle, I see there are only a few people in the room. Faces that I recognize; coworkers, employees. The Clearwaters, my family.

 _Emmett_? Emmett has his arms around Bella as she keens so sorrowfully it makes my chest ache. There's no coffin at the front, and my brain is starting to spin, so I drop into the seat next to Bella.

"Who died?"


	21. Chapter 21

**We're getting more from Edward this chapter.**

* * *

"Is anybody ever going to tell me who died?" I ask petulantly, after I finish my long winded explanation as to where I've been.

Bella stares at me incredulously. " _You,_ Edward. You've been missing for ten days, and presumed dead! The fire was so intense at your house that the authorities were sure you didn't survive, and your body couldn't be recovered!" she exclaims.

"What? No! All of this happened last night and today! What the hell?" They planned a memorial for me? Fuck, I lost _ten goddamn days_. I hope I can make up for them somehow.

The tears slip down Bella's cheeks again. "I've spent the last week and a half thinking you were dead." The expression on her face is almost enough to actually kill me. Her skin is sallow, her eyes shadowed and puffy. Her cheeks are red and wet from her tears. She's such a beautiful sight. My mind is in overdrive, as I look at the tearful faces that mean the most to me. It's then that I notice Mallie is not among them.

"Mallie?" I ask, worried that she still thinks I'm gone.

"With Sue," Mom replies. "She's explaining that you were sick and in the hospital, not dead. She takes good care of her."

"Yes, she does." Reassured, I turn my attention back to Bella. "So what happened to you? How did you get away from Black, and who got Emmett released?" I try to shift, but it's really uncomfortable. My legs and back still feel raw, and if I remember anything from burn care, it's because they've peeled the dead skin off and it is, in fact, raw. I'm on my side in a cradle type bed, and it feels cool against my skin. My memories are foggy, but I do remember collapsing in Bella's arms. The look on her face was so shocked, and now I know it's because she thought she was seeing a ghost. Somehow she got away from Black, and _fuck_ , my brother was standing there, out of jail!

"Jake took me to the chapel on the res and had us married." I start to interrupt, but she holds up a hand. "Don't worry, it wasn't legal. We sat in his house and ate; well, the men did. I had already decided I would do whatever it took to get out of there," her voice shakes.

With dread in my gut, I watch the heavy swallow she forces down. "Oh, baby, tell me he didn't."

She shakes her head almost violently. "I killed him," she whispers, grabbing my hand for comfort.

Inside I'm cheering, but I don't have the strength on the outside. "Thank God. How?"

"All his men got shit-faced drunk and passed out. There was a stupid bobble head trophy on his dresser. He got close, and I smashed it down on his temple and ran. Seth found me outside, and he drove me away from there. We-" She stops to catch her breath. "We passed your house, and there was nothing left but flames and ash. I thought you were nothing but ashes," she quietly weeps, and I grip her hand tighter, pulling her closer.

"I'm here, now. All I could think of when I woke up was coming to get you. I managed to hide in the woods until the coast was clear, then flagged down a ride with someone. I'm not sure where the person that picked me up took me. Do you know where Olympic Memorial is?" I stroke my hand down Bella's hair as she leans as close to me as she can with the odd shaped bed and the machinery.

"Port Angeles," Dad answers. He offers me a cup of water, and I greedily drink it all.

"That's right. I was a bit delirious, but I thought Black might have taken you there to hide you. I must have said it out loud." Turns out she really was a kind person.

"Charlie ratted out Jake when he was arrested, that's how Emmett got released. He told them _everything_ , because they didn't tell him Jake was dead before he started running his mouth. Royce King is dead, Rosalie is in jail. Leah is taking a deal, and she'll be out any day now," Bella explains.

"So, what? The FBI got there just after you got yourself out?" The thought pisses me off, that Bella was almost raped because they were dragging their feet.

Bella nods sadly. "Unfortunately, some kind of red tape with the Sheriff's Department held them up for another hour past my escape. They raided all of the operations simultaneously and rounded up everyone that was left. They came to Sue's when they were done and took my statement, and thanked her for all of her help. I wasn't really up for visitors, so I'm not sure what exactly they discussed."

"You've gotten your information, honey. I think you should rest now," Mom interjects. I have to agree; I'm so exhausted. Letting my eyes close, I fall quickly to sleep, no doubt partly due to the morphine.

I wake to the steady beeping of a machine and a vise around my left hand. Bella has fallen asleep, her head resting on her pulled up knees as she sits next to my bed. Nobody else is with us at the moment.

I close my eyes again, and some time passes as I listen to her even breathing and the whooshing of the machines surrounding me. I hear the door open and quiet footsteps, so I open my eyes again. My parents are back, followed by Alice and Emmett. They creep over to my bed, Mom glancing at Bella and clucking her tongue.

"That girl needs proper rest," Mom whispers.

"We tried to bring her with us earlier, Mom," Emmett responds. "She wouldn't budge."

My mom brushes her hand indulgently over my brother's hairline, and I realize that everything is going to be okay if they're standing here.

"Hey," I croak. Eight eyes fly to my face.

"You're awake again," Alice says, sounding relieved.

"I'm not going anywhere, either. I promise." I swallow thickly, the feeling in my mouth dry and cottony.

"That's a damn good thing. We were all so distraught, thinking you were gone." She glances at a sleeping Bella. "This one the most. She was functioning, but she wasn't living."

My chest hurts at that thought. I didn't do it on purpose, of course, but I feel guilty nonetheless. "The only thing I want now is to heal and start my life with her and Mallie."

"Um," Emmett starts, stepping closer to the bed. "I won't take Malone from you, you know that, right? I know you're best for her. If things had been different, I could never have been half the dad you are. I just want you to know, I'm Uncle Emmett until she's old enough that you think she'd understand. I just want to be in her life, however you think it would work best."

My eyes tear up at his confession, and my heart swells. "You're my brother, and I'd do anything for you, even give you my little girl. But I don't think that would be best for her, and I have to think about her well-being above anything else."

Emmett nods. "She's really taken to Bella, I noticed. They have this crazy level of understanding, it's like she was meant to be her mom." He rubs the back of his neck as he grins at me.

Now I do cry, glancing again at a sleeping Bella. "That's what I want."

"That's what you'll have," my big brother replies as he smiles hugely at me.

Bella wakes soon after that conversation, and the sunny smile she gives me assures me that it's over now. All the lying and sneaking around, following someone else's rules. We no longer have to hide our feelings for each other, and we can build our family.

"Marry me," I blurt out.

The surprised, tinkling laugh is all the answer I need.

* * *

 **Believe it or not, there's only 2 chapters left!**


	22. Chapter 22

**I would say this is roughly 6 months later.**

* * *

 **BPOV**

"Edward!" I call his name to get his attention, but he ignores me. "Put that down, I've got it!" I rush to his side, grabbing the last box from the truck and bumping him with my hip.

His smirk is quick, his responding kiss a little slower. "I'm not helpless," he reminds me as he releases my mouth.

As if I need him to remind me of that. Physical therapy has done its job and then some, and I take in the straining muscles beneath his clingy t-shirt as he tries to snag the box from me. He's back to full-strength, no doubt about that.

"I want to. It's my box, anyway. My crap in it, I'll haul it."

"Hiding something interesting in there, are we?" He tries to pry the flap open as I run from him, attempting to not drop the whole box as I streak into the living room.

Edward's personality is back as well, the laughing, happy man that I always loved. It's impossible not to fall for that crooked smile. I drop the box a little clumsily as he catches me around the waist and spins me, landing the both of us onto the couch we just bought three days ago.

"That's the last of it, woman. Relax." He grins again, nipping at my throat before looking back at me, huge smile in place.

"Thank Christ. My arms are sore."

"Poor baby," he murmurs, though not in a derisive manner. No, not my Edward. He rubs my triceps, stroking and igniting without any effort.

"Shower. Dinner. Remember?" We have plans tonight. Though my brain is currently focused on the way Edward's body feels on top of mine.

"Screw them all," he growls, pushing me flat to the sofa cushions and hovering over me. "Shower. Sex. Maybe I'll feed you if you're lucky."

"God, you drive a hard bargain."

His laugh is giddy and evil. "That's not all that's hard."

Fucks sake, there's no way I can deny him any longer. We've had to abstain for months while his skin grafts healed and he endured physical therapy. His skin wouldn't flex in the direction he was intending it to move for the longest time.

But _now_? I moan as he moves lower, dragging his mouth down to my belly. "Maybe I even like you dirty," he teases.

"Ew, no. Please let me shower off the dust and sweat."

Edward pops up, seemingly unaffected by our foreplay, unlike my racing pulse. "Deal." He offers his hand and hauls me up when I take it, pulling me to the stairs and practically dragging me up them.

Naked, with steaming hot water sluicing off his broad shoulders, Edward does his damn best to make me die of pleasure before we ever finish washing. His hand cups me, fingers slipping inside like the memory is mapped in his brain. How and where and what pressure to use to send me flying, gasping against him as I bite his wet shoulder. Struggling to stay upright, I gladly allow him to sweep his arm behind my knees to carry me to the bed that I just made up with new linens hours ago.

Laying me on it, spreading me out like a buffet, using those hands again to stroke and tease and tickle, Edward and I reconnect in ways we haven't been able to for years. And I find myself crying with the surrealness of the moment.

He pulls away from me and wipes at my tears with the pads of his thumbs. "What's all this, baby?" he asks gently.

"I just can't believe we're here. It's been what, five years? I never thought we'd find our way back, or that it would be like nothing had ever changed between us."

"It changed, but it changes constantly. Loving you was never hard. Living without you was hard, but loving you again? That's the easiest thing I'll ever do. I'll love you every day of the rest of my life."

"In the kingdom where nobody dies," I murmur. When he frowns adorably, I smooth my hand over the spot and smile. "That's what I picture, is that we can live forever in our hearts and the hearts of those that love us."

When Edward leans down again, I push aside thoughts of life and death and just focus on loving him physically.

I return his kisses tenfold, moving my tongue against his and sharing his breath. My mouth knows his taste, but my fingertips have to relearn his planes and the smoothness of his taut skin. I need to feel the difference in his steel length, enough to have him begging me to let him fill me completely. And god, does he ever fill me, so full that I can't remember ever feeling so complete before now.

"Fuck!" I cry as Edward moves inside me, pulling back and slamming forward, reminding my body what overwhelming pleasure feels like.

"Bella," he moans my name like a prayer, and his movements are quick and almost frantic.

Primal need builds in me, the need to find that elusive place where the stars explode behind my eyelids. The push and pull of our bodies is extremely satisfying, like nothing and everything we've ever experienced together before. I find myself wild for him, wild for the lust of his hungry mouth, to feel the strength of his body pinning me to the bed, to the very earth. Climax after climax slam into me like battling tidal waves until I'm gasping for air.

When he moans and curses, stilling with his firm body pressed into mine, I swear my vision washes red. My desire is only temporarily sated, but for now I can't think when it might kickstart again.

"God, I've missed that," he murmurs in a throaty voice that does things to my insides that should be illegal in my current state.

When he rolls off me and flops like a landed trout onto the bed next to me, I find enough energy to laugh. "I'm thrilled you and I never found other distractions in the time we were apart."

"That's an awfully polite way of saying you're happy I never fucked anybody but you in my lifetime." He chuckles half heartedly into the rumpled bedspread.

I shove at his shoulder until he opens one eye and stares at me unblinkingly.

"Okay, yes," I admit. "I never fucked anybody besides you, and I'm happy about it now that we're finding ourselves full circle."

"I love how you speak," he says offhandedly.

"Okay," I laugh.

"I love fucking you. It's been five years too long, and I was feeling blue and desperate."

I laugh more loudly, covering my face with my hand. I look at him over the tops of my fingers, just look, as the afternoon sun slants in through the window across the room. It simultaneously illuminates and creates shadows over his back and that finely sculpted ass. It makes me happy to see that his scarring is almost invisible now.

"Well, as much as I'd love round two, our friends and family and our daughter are waiting for us."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbles but gets up anyway. I merely sit on the bed for a few seconds and admire the sight of my husband walking unaided into the bathroom of our new house. From heaven to hell and back again, we have everything we've ever wanted.

* * *

 **The epi is next, and it's EPOV!**


	23. Epilogue

**Some of you know I'm writing an Emmett outtake. Well, he's gotten a little mouthy, so he's getting his own short story. I'll do my best to start posting in the next few weeks.**

* * *

 **5 years later**

 **EPOV**

Through all the years she was gone, through the distrust and anger I felt when she returned, I never expected to find this much happiness. Not with her, not alone, not with anyone else.

God, I was pissed to see her again when she came back to Forks. The way she hid and then ran at her own mother's funeral, and for Charlie to tell me she was engaged to fucking Jacob Black, was enough to eradicate any love I'd held on to. I wanted to hate her, to despise her. I tried to, desperately. Running into her in the grocery store in what had become _my_ home town, was enough to seal her fate as far as I was concerned. I was pissed at her for working in that dive bar, for acting like her life had just gone on without me. Like there hadn't been pain and regret on either side.

But through all her scared and clumsy attempts to explain to me what was truly going on, she merely reminded me about the parts of her I found endearing.

The way a blush so easily creeps onto her cheeks, enhancing her natural beauty. The way she stutters just a little when she's unsure of herself but determined to get all of her thoughts out into the open. The way her hands flutter as she speaks, like she's trying to paint a picture in the listener's mind. She's healed, revealing herself to be such a beautiful woman, and I thank God all throughout each day for giving her back to me.

Together, we've built the life that we always talked about, all of those afternoons in the bed of my truck when we snuck out of the house. In between kisses we'd dream of what we'd become as adults. Would my hair turn grey at the temples like Carlisle's, would she _ever_ finish so many years of college to follow her passion? What would it feel like to smile toothlessly at each other in our old age, what would it be like to have grandchildren? All of those things, and more, we now have the chance to discover.

It didn't take my girl forever to finish college, but it might have felt like it. Bella was able to garner an apprenticeship at the pharmacy downtown and work as a technician while she completed her final years of school. Now that she's passed the pharmacist exam, she's waiting until the pharmacist retires next year and then she gets her promotion. Her job is close to the bank, so we have lunch together almost every day. I originally chose an entry-level position because I didn't expect nepotism, but now I'm the manager and sometimes put in longer hours.

Mallie has excelled in school; Emmett swears she didn't get her brains from him, but she's an honor roll student nonetheless. The two of them have a Sunday tradition of spending the day together, and I'm pretty sure she already understands why it's so important to him. Our son Mack recently turned three, and he's all rough and tumble, constantly knocking things over and falling down. He loves to climb trees and everything else, really, although I think I've finally convinced him to stop climbing the bookshelf. I've been working on a treehouse for him on the weekends; it's hard to do with a preschooler as an assistant. Mallie is much better with the hammer than Mack is. We've been lucky to have our family and the Clearwaters take an interest in helping us watch the kids while we work and Bella has been in school.

"Alright, guys, dinner time!" Bella calls from the kitchen, interrupting my thoughts. "Mallie, if you haven't memorized that practice test by now, you never will. Put it away for the evening, sweetie."

I hear Mallie mutter under her breath, but she must be complying, because I'm Bella's next target.

"Edward! Turn off Thomas the Train, for crying out loud, and you and Mack come eat."

Grinning, I reach cautiously for the remote, trying not to disturb the little boy in my lap. He's rarely still or quiet, so I treasure the moments when he falls asleep on my lap. Bella means business, of course, that woman is all mom, so I heft him into my arms and stroll into the kitchen before she has to yell for me again.

"It smells fantastic," I tell her as I lean over for a kiss over our son's head.

"Thank you," she replies, smiling indulgently at Mack. "He'll never go to bed on time," she adds ruefully.

I know this, and I know I'm supposed to keep him awake like a SEAL Team trainee, but I just can't resist the soft qualities he takes on when he's sleeping. Like he's my baby boy again.

"I know, love. I'll deal with him." I will, of course. I won't put it off on her. "Mallie, are you going to put that away and come to the table, or stare longingly at your textbook? Come on, don't make me do something drastic like ground you for studying too much."

Shiny curls bounce on her head as she shakes it, no doubt rolling her eyes where I can't see. She comes to the table as I wake her brother and force him to wash his hands before plopping him next to me in his booster seat. He never does anything quickly or quietly, so we're the last to be seated amidst his squawking.

Looking over our dinner table, I watch the family we created; my lovely wife serving dinner, our preteen daughter that is full of adolescent attitude but would rather study than do much else, and my precocious son that looks just like me with his auburn hair and green eyes. I see the love we share in the way Bella serves everyone before herself, in the way Mallie jumps up to get what Bella forgot, and the way I take on helping Mack so Bella can just eat and not worry about him. It's noisy, and a little chaotic, and as I catch her eye, I mouth _I love you_ to Bella.

She mouths back _I'm pregnant_.

* * *

 **I want to thank you all for reading, reviewing and recc'ing. You know I'd be nothing without you.**

 **Thanks always to BeLynda, aka Sarcastic Bimbo, for being my beta warrior and the person I can exchange plot ideas with. She deserves huge credit for helping me write my stories.**

 **My prereaders, coppertopj and starsmina, I love getting your reactions every chapter, even when you thought I was crazy. Thank you for your help.**

 ***Any time you want extra content, such as teasers and especially pictures, you can find me on Facebook (link on profile) and on my blog (MeteorOnAMoonlessNight. blogspot. com).**

 ***My next story is AU, Vampward and Shifterella. Posting starts 6/29, so don't forget to follow/fav for updates!**


	24. Futuretake

**Mallie POV**

"Shh! Daddy will hear us. We're not supposed to be outside."

"Nobody else is awake, what else are we gonna do?"

"This is more fun, anyway. I have stuff we can do, come on."

I followed Mack up the ladder, carefully carrying Marie in one arm. It was early on Christmas morning, and we weren't allowed to wake Mom and Dad yet, or go and see what Santa brought for us. As the eldest, I tried to help out by encouraging the younger two to follow the rules. Technically, we weren't supposed to go outside before breakfast, but we had a fenced-in yard and we were going to stick with each other in the tree house.

Dad and I built it together, even though Mack tried to help. It was one room with two windows, and a set of shelves ran along the walls. We kept board games and toys up there to play with whenever we got the chance.

"I hope Santa brought me the new bike I asked for," Mack said as he made it inside and crawled over to sit down.

"I'm sure he did, Mackie," I assured him.

"But what if he didn't?"

I knew that not much was more important to a kid of his age than a shiny new bike. "Uncle Emmett promised to get you one if Santa didn't, but I'm sure it's sitting under the tree right now."

He sighed wistfully. "Yeah."

"Santa?" Marie said. Her large brown eyes looked up at me, and they were just like Mom's.

"Yeah, Mimi, he came and gave us presents. We'll open them soon."

"Soon?" she parroted.

"Soon," I repeated.

Mack pulled out Candy Land and started setting it up. It was his favorite, and it would pass the time until Mom and Dad got up. The sun was just barely rising, peeking through the windows of the tree house as we played the game.

"I got the rainbow trail!" Mack shouted. Marie clapped just because he was happy.

"Does that mean you won?" I heard Dad's voice from the doorway.

Marie squealed, but Mack gasped and began throwing game pieces over his shoulder like he could hide the fact we were in here if the game disappeared.

"Morning, Dad," I sighed. I'd hoped he could sleep in later.

He chuckled. "Good morning, Mallie." I moved over so he could come in, bent over to not hit his head on the doorframe. "Did they wake you up?" he asked as Marie rushed him and threw herself in his lap. He accepted and returned her sloppy kisses.

"Yes, but I don't mind." My brother and sister often woke me up early on the weekends because they were trying not to wake our parents.

"We'll let Mom sleep a little more. What're you playing?" he asked, taking in the flipped over game board.

"Candy Land," Mack answered.

"Until he thought he'd throw it over his shoulder to hide it," I interjected wryly.

Dad laughed. "It's okay. I understand you were trying not wake us. It's a good idea, Mal."

I blushed at his compliment. "Thanks, Dad. What time are Uncle Emmett and Aunt Bree coming?"

"After breakfast. Ethan and June want to open their Santa gifts first."

"Santa?" Marie piped up again.

"Ho ho ho," Dad said in a deep voice, making Marie giggle and pull on his cheeks.

"And Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper and Katie?"

"Closer to lunch. Don't worry, they'll all be here," Dad assured me.

"Did my family move out of the house and into the trees?" I heard Mom's voice.

"Mama!" Marie was always happy.

"Are Gramma and Grampa awake yet?" Mack asked, bouncing eagerly toward the door.

"I think they might be stirring," she answered, lifting both my siblings down and setting them on their feet in the chilly grass. "It's too cold out here, let's warm up inside. Dad can light a fire and I'll get breakfast going."

"Santa?" Marie asked again.

"Yes, baby girl, let's see what Santa brought."

Mom carried her inside while the rest of us followed. I watched my baby sister's little round face light up when she saw the gifts under the tree, and she squealed and clapped in her excitement.

"I changed her diaper before we went outside, but I wouldn't be surprised if she just peed in it," I commented. Mom laughed at me and put her arm around my shoulders.

"You're such a good big sister. Thank you," she whispered, and I turned into her hug and embraced her.

"Let's get that fire going," Dad said, and he even let me help him lay out the logs and some newspaper. Behind us, Mack was ripping into his gifts and Marie was mostly staring at the Christmas lights and singing to herself. Gramma and Grampa came in the room and we all started passing out gifts while Mom put her breakfast casserole in the oven. I looked over at Dad, and warmth filled my chest. None of this would possible without him, and I got up and threw myself at him, clinging to his shirt in a fierce hug.

"I love you so much, Dad," I whispered into his neck. "Thank you for _everything_."

"I love you, too, sweet girl. Merry Christmas."


End file.
